anatomy of 90 minutes in the morning

7:30 - chicken wakes up. feed chicken.

7:40 - chicken plays on the floor with a plastic truck. mom drinks. coffee.

8:15 - fussy chicken. feed chicken.

8:30 - turn off lights. turn on white noise. lay drowsy chicken down in crib.

8:31 - go to bedroom to make bed. grab sheet with one hand.

8:31:10 - hear binky hit the floor.

8:31:30 - return to nursery with clean binky.

8:32 - go to bedroom to make bed. pull up sheet.

8:32:40 - hear binky hit the floor.

8:32:41 - "love is patient. love is kind. love is patient. love is kind."

8:33 - return to nursery with clean binky.

8:33:10 - sit in nursery chair and watch chicken's hand extend through the crib slats, holding binky. hand turns palm-down, then opens and binky drops to the floor. chicken chuckles.

8:33:11 - "you crafty little bastard."

8:33:12 - that's it. what am i, your binky slave? i've got other shit to do. i haven't had breakfast. there's a load of laundry in the machine that has been washed four times already because by the time i can get down there to put it in the dryer it smells like low tide so i wash it again. we're having friends over for dinner tonight and the living room rug looks like a fairground after an ozzy osborne concert slash exotic pet fair. and you're dropping your binky on purpose, so you know what? this binky has cat dander and probably leprosy on it and i'm putting it in your mouth right now anyway. nope. no way in hell am i cleaning this binky again.

8:33:40 - return to nursery with clean binky.

8:34 - chicken lays head down on mattress and does not move.

8:40 - mom goes downstairs to ride the bike and read us weekly. mom exhales. finally.

8:42 - hear binky hit the floor.

8:42:01 - "what. is. this. fuckery."

8:42:10 - mom gets off bike and comes upstairs to find binky on the floor. chicken chuckles. room starts to spin.

8:43-9:00 - black out. come to and chicken is sleeping. what black magic is this?

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