mandrobe

Why isn't this a word referring to a gentleman's collection of haberdashery?

My mandrobe is seriously lacking in suspenders and wing-tips - what an oversight! I must rectify this gaffe immediately with a trip to the suspender and wing-tip district!
- Mandrobe Owner, Portland

Seems logical to me.

According to UrbanDictionary, however, the word "mandrobe" actually refers to:


"A nick name for THE crappest music teacher on Earth. Few people suffer from Mandrobe and are actually taught music at high school, but the unfortunate few have to suffer the BO, terrible singing, imensly bad keyboard playing and of course the testicle chair.

Those who have never met the beast will not understand this but if you have had the misfortune to have met Mandrobe you'll know exactly what I mean...
Hamish: Mandrobe was chasing me again down the music corridor.
Ron: Really? Why? was it to make you sing for her?
Hamish: No worse, she wanted me to push her testicle chair!"
Hamish, Ron, we're going to leave the discussion of how to spell "immensely" for another day. Because there's a much bigger issue in play here.
What. the fuck. is a testicle chair.
Is it bouncy and covered with pictures of froggies? Because if so... I THINK I AM IN A TESTICLE CHAIR.
Angel on my left shoulder: Google it!
Angel on my right shoulder: Are you fucking crazy? Do you even want to KNOW what kind of ads will pop up in your gmail sidebar if you're caught googling testicle chair? Talk about getting Scroogled.
AOMLS: Hey, Katie, one word for you: YOLO.
You're right, Left Shoulder Angel.
(Googled it)
Huh.

Follow-up question: Why does the Mandrobe Music teacher sit in this?
So that's a testicle chair. Why is it famous? What famous person sat in this chair?

Was it Henry VIII? Ron Jeremy? Liberace?

Hell no.

It was the fucking POPE, that's who.
Because one time a woman was accidentally appointed (voted? named? picked? drew the straw? spun the bottle? jumped the broom? played the pony? plucked the fiddle? shucked the corn?) pope, so now new popes have to sit in this chair so you can see the fellas danglin' and ensure that never again will such an egregious violation of Christian doctrine occur. 
Because as long as a man is in charge of the church, nothing bad will happen. 
A woman! The pope! I cannot even imagine what kind of hellish shenanigans she wrought upon the heads of innocent Catholics. She probably didn't let her Cardinals telecommute. (BOOM! Y'all should Yahoo Search that to see how funny it was.) (Almost as funny as people telling each other to Yahoo Search in 2013.) (Sorry Melissa. The truth hurts.)
So seriously, Hamish, is this testicle chair a real thing? And is your music teacher the Pope?
 
FML I have to start reading more nonfiction. 
Also Dan Brown novels. 


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