on the day before: morning by the numbers

It's nap time.

Here is our day so far, by the numbers:

2 - Number of people who have asked me when I'm due and then taken a step back as if they were in the splash zone at Sea World when I said "today!" Also, the number of blueberry toaster waffles with cream cheese that Chicken absolutely destroyed at breakfast. 

41 - Dollars spent on dinner ingredients at Whole Foods. And a slice of cheesecake. And a "chockit treat" for Chicken.

3 - Re-readings of "The Little Red Hen." So far. Also, loads of laundry done. So far. Also, number of tantrums thrown by Chicken that made me think, "this is supposed to be a day when I look at you and feel nothing but profound love, but when you make that sound all I am doing is counting down the minutes until I can plug that whine-hole with a binky and put you down for a nap."

25 - Minutes spent sitting on the couch relaxing, eating an egg salad sandwich, black bean chips, and a nectarine, while watching "X-Men First Class." Also, minutes spent sitting on the couch thinking of new words to call Michael Fassbender other than "dreamy" and "delightful." 

Also, Seconds it took me to eat a slice of cheesecake. Also, seconds it took Chicken to smear his chockit treat on his face like a Spartan eating the heart of his sworn enemy.

10 - Items left on my to-do list today. Among them: "clean up cat vom." "Take out shitty diapers." "Do the cat food thingy." It's going to be a magical afternoon.

16 - Hours left until we're supposed to check in at the hospital.

34 - Hours left until I turn 30.


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