monday haiku collection

The whole Monday thing
 - Wah wah Mondays are the worst -
I don't put stock there...

... usually. BUT
today feels like a Monday.
A Mon-fucking-day.

Brushing our teeth feels
less wholesome when the water
looks like faucet poop.

Water discolor
is common when firemen use
hydrants to put out house fires.

Like, thanks? But also, 
not thanks? My water's yucky.
You're so rude, fireman.

Brown water upside:
No laundry, dishes, shower.
Guess I have to blog.

Front door won't open.
That is not a metaphor. 
Front. Door. Won't. Open.

Our house is a slum.
Except for the stainless fridge,
roof, heat, and wifi.

Chick wants a burger.
I cook a fucking burger.
Guess what happens next.

Chicken asks for cheese.
I give him some fucking cheese. 
Guess what happens next.

Chicken wants crackers.
NO. You can't have more crackers.
You shit crackers. Truth.

Sobbing, crackerless,
Chicken runs in circles, yells

Chicken runs into
the door. Because all this day
needed was some blood.

At least nobody
has shit running up their backs
or down their legs. Yet. 

For the love of God,
where's the emergency pie?
Did I stutter? PIE.


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