truth bomb: what a real nursery looks like

Before you have the baby it's like

He's going to sleep in the corner in our room
But it's going to be fine
Actually it's going to be amazing
So cute
I was on Pinterest
and I found all these small-space pics for nursery inspiration
and my small-space nursery is going to be cool and small 
and CURATED like an amazing village boutique, like this:

Except it'll be in our room so it'll be more like THIS:

 Oh my god that giant giraffe is amazeballs.
I have to find a bunting on Etsy.

And then you make your little corner
It's not as cute as the Pinterest ones
you know
But you're happy with it
It's neat and has bins
And a small crib that locks in between the bureau and the wall
Just so
Just right
Snug as a bug
Besides, it's temporary
The baby is going to move into Chicken's room so soon
So fast
He'll probably only sleep here for a few months
So he really doesn't need his own bunting

And then the baby arrives
And the shitstorm makes landfall
Right in your sweet little corner

That's Buster's hobo corner
Draped in fabric like we're the Swiss Family Goddamned Robinson
Seeking shelter under a torn topsail
Just assholes who bought ineffective blackout shades
That have to be supplemented with bedsheets and swaddle blankets
That we threw up at, oh, about 20 seconds after sunrise
When the baby woke up
Ready to rock and roll
Nice one, Katie
That window treatment totally looks

Also, we never hang our clothes in the closet
Until about 45 seconds before guests arrive
If then
Sometimes we just close the door
Usually we just close the door
Because the diaper pail is usually pretty full
Really full
There's usually one dirty diaper sitting on the table
Three dirty diapers
 And the room definitely smells like
That has been pooped out of a baby
The room
Like poop.

truth bomb


Post a Comment