you're gonna need a vanilla steamer


Me: We're stopping at Starbucks, Chicken. Do you want anything?

Chicken: Ummmm.... a kid's vanilla steamer with just one pump.

Me: Great. You got it.

Chicken: No, no, no, ummmmm... a... an apple juice box.

Me: You're sure?

Chicken: Yes. Apple juice.

Me: You're sure you don't want a vanilla steamer?

Chicken: Just apple juice.

Me: OK, because you started with the vanilla steamer.

Chicken: No, apple juice.

Me: I just want to make sure, because the last time you started with a vanilla steamer and then changed your mind to apple juice, you had nine kinds of hysterics about wanting a vanilla steamer.

Chicken: That's so funny!

Me: Agree to disagree. Seriously, once I order an apple juice, you can no longer have a vanilla steamer. Just apple juice.

Chicken: OK!

Me: So... ok... an apple juice. That's what you want.

Chicken: Yes. Apple juice!
(he smiles)
(his teeth look a little... too white...)

Me: Okaaaaay...

(I squint at Chicken in rear-view mirror)

(The car in front of us finishes ordering. It's my turn now)

(I roll up to the drive-thru order box)

(Cue the JAWS theme music)

(DA DUM)

Me: Yeah, can I get a tall Americano please? With a splash of soy? And...
(I turn around)
what did you want again, Chicken?
(DA DUM)

Chicken: An apple juice!
(may god have mercy on my soul)

Me: And... an apple juice. Please.
(DA DUM)
(There's no way this ends good...)
(I should've ordered the steamer...)
(I drive to the pick-up window)

(dumdum dumdum dumdum dumdum...)


Did you guys even know how sad the words "vanilla steamer" can be, when wailed from the squared-up mouth of a 2.75-year-old?

But I wanted a vaniwwa steeeeeeeamer!
Would you get it for me?
Pweeeeeeese, Mommy?
Pweese?
I'm soooooo saaaaaad!
WOOK! WOOK AT MY TEAR!
(points to his eye)

(wailing to the heavens)
Vaaaaaniwwaaaaaaaaaa!

(takes breath)
Steeeeeeeeeeeeeamer!

No, no... thank YOU, Tuesday.

0 comments:

Post a Comment