you're gonna need a vanilla steamer

Me: We're stopping at Starbucks, Chicken. Do you want anything?

Chicken: Ummmm.... a kid's vanilla steamer with just one pump.

Me: Great. You got it.

Chicken: No, no, no, ummmmm... a... an apple juice box.

Me: You're sure?

Chicken: Yes. Apple juice.

Me: You're sure you don't want a vanilla steamer?

Chicken: Just apple juice.

Me: OK, because you started with the vanilla steamer.

Chicken: No, apple juice.

Me: I just want to make sure, because the last time you started with a vanilla steamer and then changed your mind to apple juice, you had nine kinds of hysterics about wanting a vanilla steamer.

Chicken: That's so funny!

Me: Agree to disagree. Seriously, once I order an apple juice, you can no longer have a vanilla steamer. Just apple juice.

Chicken: OK!

Me: So... ok... an apple juice. That's what you want.

Chicken: Yes. Apple juice!
(he smiles)
(his teeth look a little... too white...)

Me: Okaaaaay...

(I squint at Chicken in rear-view mirror)

(The car in front of us finishes ordering. It's my turn now)

(I roll up to the drive-thru order box)

(Cue the JAWS theme music)


Me: Yeah, can I get a tall Americano please? With a splash of soy? And...
(I turn around)
what did you want again, Chicken?

Chicken: An apple juice!
(may god have mercy on my soul)

Me: And... an apple juice. Please.
(There's no way this ends good...)
(I should've ordered the steamer...)
(I drive to the pick-up window)

(dumdum dumdum dumdum dumdum...)

Did you guys even know how sad the words "vanilla steamer" can be, when wailed from the squared-up mouth of a 2.75-year-old?

But I wanted a vaniwwa steeeeeeeamer!
Would you get it for me?
Pweeeeeeese, Mommy?
I'm soooooo saaaaaad!
(points to his eye)

(wailing to the heavens)

(takes breath)

No, no... thank YOU, Tuesday.


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