a blog by any other name

I've just had this conversation one too many times:

Stranger at the Park: I just feel like he's so wild, you know? Like people are judging me and him because he can't sit still at a restaurant.

Me: I totally know exactly what you mean. I actually write a blog, and I have a post about that.

SatP: What's your blog called?

Me: KatyKatiKate.

SatP: Wait, what?

Me: KatyKatiKate. You know, like TonyToniTone?

SatP: Oh! Yeah... (clear from her vacant smile that she does not know.)

Me: It's Katie, three times, only spelled, like, K-A-T-Y, K-A-T-I, K-A-T-E.

SatP: So, it's Kati--

Me: No, it goes Y, I, E. Just E. Not I-E.

SatP: OK, I'll just google it.

mommy
No, listen, it's K-A-T-Y--
mommy help
HOLD ON A MINUTE CHICKEN
It's really simple, honestly, let me just...
mommy i'm stuck
OK, well you stay stuck.
I'm going to run over to Starbucks and borrow a pen, ok?
mommy
Two secs, baby
mommy pweese

You guys, until like a week ago, RYAN thought that last Kate was a Katie. After we all had a good laugh I sent him out for cake and when he got back I ate it very slowly while I made him read all of my posts from the last month and tell me everything that was funny.

So it's time. It's time for a new name.

I should go with something the includes the word "mom." I am one, and that's what I write about.

But I don't want to. Is that self-loathing? Don't get me wrong - there are a lot of fucking amazing mom blogs. There just happen to be more crappy ones. No matter how thoughtful, interesting, or genuinely funny the blog is, as a reader I immediately take my expectations down like four notches if the title includes the word "mom" or any of its myriad derivations.

I like to think that there are two ways to write about being a parent in this world - you can examine the world through the lens of parenthood, or you can examine parenthood through the lens of the world.

I prefer to read blogs that do the latter. Because I was a person in the world before I was a parent here, and because if I fix my parent glasses in place, then everything I see gets filtered through that one, narrow lens, and we're all a lot more interesting than that.

I've been working on new titles for a few days now, and I think I've come up with some pretty fucking stellar options. I mean, I don't want to toot my own horn, but aa-OOOO-gah, am I right?

Pun Options:

KatersGonnaKate.com (I mean, right? I mean, is this meeting over? I think it is.)
AhoyKatie.com
MasterKate.com
DrKateQuincyMcGillicuttySharkScientist.com (less of a pun, more of an alias)

Mom-Blog Options:

MommySalami.com (I think this one might be taken but my parental controls wouldn't display it. Since when are salted meats risque? THANKS MICHELLE OBAMA.)
KatieIsAMom.com (You know how you buy lemon juice and it's not called like Whemmo-Lemo-Shlemmo Got Ya Juice Right Heeeeere? It's just called Lemon Juice. Like that. Like just let it be what it is.)
BombSquadIThinkYouMeanMomSquad.com

Quirky, Offbeat Options:

NapShmap.com (I love the way you can say a word and then say the same word except with SHM in front of it, and it sounds so CHEEKY)
FalafelShmalafel.com (See? DELIGHTFUL)
ChokingHazard.com (because first my blog is sweet and then it murders you, or attempts to, and if you survive it then it makes you gag on mozzarella sticks for the rest of your life. See also: Mommy Salami.)

"I Want People To Love to Hate Me" Options:

SunshineAndLollipopsRainbowsEverywhereWonderfulJoyFunLand.com 
IAmZooeyDeschanel.com
FirstWorldMom.com


Truth Bomb Options:

YouCanCryHere.It'sOkay.com

TedJonesIUsedYourBedBath&BeyondCouponYouShouldProbablySetUpMailForwardingThroughUSPS.com

NamingShitIsTheWorst.com

Right now I'm leaning toward that last one. Because truth.

2 comments:

  1. I like, in this order:
    KatersGonnaKate.com
    NapShmap.com
    Katieisamom.com
    But also in any order. I don't know what's best to name a blog. Don't listen to me?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oooohhhh so many good ones. I like Choking Hazard and Mommy Salami but also I really like your current one. Whatever you choose, just get a business card. Hand it on over and boom. People know where to find you.

    ReplyDelete