need is a strong word

Ten Things About Which Chicken Said,

1. A peanut butter sandwich with plum jam.

timestamp: forty-five minutes after i made the sandwich
oh wow
you must have been
you must have been gripped with the bottomless hunger
of a man who has crawled a thousand miles through the desert
chewing the sand
and trying to convince himself
that he was eating a gluten-free vegan cupcake
do you need
a teaspoon of milk
to wash that down there
2. Grape juice. Apple juice. Tomato juice. Lemonade. NOT APPLE JUICE. Wait, okay, yeah, apple juice is fine.

3. A bag of plastic ornamental fruit with the fuzz peeling off that he found on the ground at Goodwill. Not even good enough to hang on a hook at Goodwill? Chicken must have it.

4. This pencil sharpened.

look at this pencil
i can't even color with it
it's so bad now
can i have the pencil sharpener and take it in the bathroom
and you stay out here?
5. Buster's pajamas. 
That Buster was wearing. 
While asleep. 
"But but but but but you could just wake him up a little?" 

6. To pull all of the curly little rainbow pubes out of this clown wig and leave them scattered about on the floor:

no, baby.
but but but but but but but--
no. mm mm. nope. sorry.
but but but but but but but--
it's gross, kid.
but but but it's the FOOD FOR MY DINOSAURS!
oh. well... uh... let's put it on a plate then, okay?

7. A popsicle.
No, wait... actually, ice cream.
No! A popsicle.

8. To carry his own lunch box to the car in the morning on our way to school. (Spoiler alert: he left it in the garage. Thank god the school has a backup cheese quesadilla supply or I would have been making three round trips to and from school today and I had a lot of work to do a movie to watch while I drank tea and felt sorry for myself because I have a midlevel head cold that's due for a big promotion any day now.

9. To wallow like Jabba the Hut in the pile of pillows under the couch that we constructed for the express purpose of allowing ALL of the children to throw themselves repeatedly to the ground until they either ate dinner or fell asleep/knocked themselves unconcscious (play date mommies aren't picky.)

10. A song about digging. Before you ask, yes, of course I tried No Diggity. He's not falling for it. He needs a song about dirt (sand would also be acceptable) and shovels.


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