cooking with chicken: toast


Prep Time: 10 Seconds
Cook Time: As Long As Your Mom Lets You


1. Bread
2. Cheddar Bunnies


1. Remove two slices of bread from the bread bag.

2. Insert each slice into its own slot in the toaster.
*** Note! You can try to put both slices in the same slot! Try it! Seriously, I want to see what happens. My mom wouldn't let me.***

3. Push down the toast lever until it clicks to begin toasting.

4. Push "Cancel" and pop the toast back up.

cancel is the bottom button
make a note

5. Push down the toast lever again.

6. "Cancel." Pop it up.

7. Push it down.

8. Pop it up.

9. Yep, this time it's real.

10. Nope, pop it up.

11. Seriously, you can toast now. Push it down.

12. Wait wait wait, realize you forgot something, pop it up.

13. What was the thing you forgot? Oh, right. Push it down.

14. Change the darkness setting to 1. Pop it up. Push it down.

15. Change the darkness setting to 10. Pop it up. Push it down.

16. Open the bag of cheddar bunnies and eat them while you watch your toast blacken.

you know your toast is done
when you blow on it
and it disintegrates

or perhaps
when you drop it on the floor
and it breaks

17. When the toast pops up, it will be hot.

18. Touch it immediately.

19. Scream. Insist on an ice pack, a grape juice, and an entire box of band-aids.

whole box
right there
add $3.49 to the cost of today's toast

20. Do not eat the toast.


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