Warning: This post contains strong language and ineffective parenting.
Also, if you haven't already read this post about how Chicken is really into taking a verboten word, changing one letter, and then saying it over and over again with the wide-eyed innocence of a sociopath, you might want to hit it up before you read on.
I am on the couch with Buster, who has been taking plastic cupcakes out of a muffin tin,
then putting them back,
for about 15 minutes now
because he's an old soul.
Side note: now I really want a cupcake.
before i looked at this picture
in which the cupcakes look like
the soft-serve consistency
of Oompa-Loompa turds
after a bender
in the world of pure imagination
the contents of rufio's outhouse
Chicken is on the floor
playing happily with Hot Wheels and a car transporter,
saying "oh no look out cars the car transporter is made of ants!"
and then "I was just kidding. It's okay, cars."
Pretty nice start to a Monday morning.
Chicken: I'm gonna cut you in your face, Stumpy!
Me: Who are you talking to?
Chicken: You, Stumpy!
Me: I don't like when you say that you're going to cut me in the face.
Me: Telling someone you're going to cut them in the face is a threat. That's a scary thing to say.
Chicken: Oh, I see.
(10 seconds later)
Chicken: I'm gonna cunt you in your face, Stumpy!
Me: Um... (Don't freak out don't freak out don't freak out it was only a matter of time before he organized those four letters into that particular order and said it out loud)
Chicken: Cunt your face.
Me: That is not better.
Chicken: But I didn't say cut!
Me: No, I heard you.
Chicken: I said cunt. Cunt.
Me: YEAH, I heard--
Chicken: CUNT. Not cut.
Me: Okay, okay, okay, okay, just stop saying--
Chicken: CUNT. I'm gonna CUNT you in your face.
Me: CHICKEN. That is a word that many people find very upsetting.
Me: No, the other one.
Me: No, the... never mind.
(10 seconds later)
Me: Yes, baby?
Chicken: Will you cunt some apple slices for me? Pweese?
Me: I... Yes, I will cut some apple slices for you.
Buster: (whispers) cunt.