actually let's go back to stupey

Warning: This post contains strong language and ineffective parenting.

Also, if you haven't already read this post about how Chicken is really into taking a verboten word, changing one letter, and then saying it over and over again with the wide-eyed innocence of a sociopath, you might want to hit it up before you read on.

THIS MORNING

9:45 am
I am on the couch with Buster, who has been taking plastic cupcakes out of a muffin tin,
then putting them back,
for about 15 minutes now
because he's an old soul.
Side note: now I really want a cupcake.


or rather
i did
before i looked at this picture
in which the cupcakes look like
the soft-serve consistency
of Oompa-Loompa turds
after a bender
in the world of pure imagination
or possibly
the contents of rufio's outhouse
post-lost-boys-buffet
right?
you see it
right?
bangarang

Chicken is on the floor
playing happily with Hot Wheels and a car transporter,
vrooming,
beeping,
saying "oh no look out cars the car transporter is made of ants!"
and then "I was just kidding. It's okay, cars."

Pretty nice start to a Monday morning.
AND THEN...


Chicken: I'm gonna cut you in your face, Stumpy!

Me: Who are you talking to?

Chicken: You, Stumpy!

Me: I don't like when you say that you're going to cut me in the face.

Chicken: Why?

Me: Telling someone you're going to cut them in the face is a threat. That's a scary thing to say.

Chicken: Oh, I see.


(10 seconds later)


Chicken: I'm gonna cunt you in your face, Stumpy!

Me: Um... (Don't freak out don't freak out don't freak out it was only a matter of time before he organized those four letters into that particular order and said it out loud)

Chicken: Cunt your face.

Me: That is not better.

Chicken: But I didn't say cut!

Me: No, I heard you.

Chicken: I said cunt. Cunt.

Me: YEAH, I heard--

Chicken: CUNT. Not cut.

Me: Okay, okay, okay, okay, just stop saying--

Chicken: CUNT. I'm gonna CUNT you in your face.

Me: CHICKEN. That is a word that many people find very upsetting.

Chicken: Cut?

Me: No, the other one.

Chicken: Stumpy?

Me: No, the... never mind.

Chicken: Okay.


(10 seconds later)


Chicken: Mommy?

Me: Yes, baby?

Chicken: Will you cunt some apple slices for me? Pweese?

Me: I... Yes, I will cut some apple slices for you.

Chicken: Okay.

Buster: (whispers) cunt.

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