Lay me in a basket on a bed of wax paper because I am so fried right now.
But the Month of Blog must go on! That's the secret trick to successfully keeping promises - make sure you tell a lot of people what you're doing so you have to be held accountable for your follow-through.
Okay okay okay but I really have other shit I have to go do now, so I'm just going to give you a list of 5 things I have loved over the last few days. Enjoy.
1. Catastrophe, on Amazon Prime
Absurdly funny, bitterly snarky, foul-mouthed, and sexually explicit, it's the most honest, hopeful and black-hearted, sweet and salty dramatic interpretation of having a baby that I have ever seen. Please watch it. Please. Please pleasey please. I want there to be seasons of Catastrophe where the kids age in sync with mine from now until the day I die. If this blog supports you as a parent, then you should know what supports this blog, and it is Catastrophe, 2 seasons free to watch now on Amazon Prime.
2. Vinho Verde
Cheap, light, with an alcohol content straight out of Utah and a flavor profile from Portugal, vinho verde is your summer session wine. It can be bought literally everywhere, for about $8 a bottle. Serve it ice cold in the afternoon by some boats. Thank me later.
They might be $4 a pound at the grocery store but I don't even care - stone fruit season is my favorite food season... it was tied with gingerbread season until I barfed gingerbread last year, but that's neither here nor there. Point is, stone fruits - plums, peaches, nectarines, cherries - pack all the whimpering sweetness of a buttery dessert into a fiber-rich juice bomb that you can take out of your fridge any time you want and slurp down like the brain-stem-driven pleasure seeking missile that you are.
4. Grace for President & Louis I, King of the Sheep
Grace for President by Kelly DiPucchio tells the story of a little girl who looks at all the presidents' portraits and notices that the White House alumni club is a sausage fest. She decides to run for president of her class, and her opponent is a popular, smart, athletic boy.
SPOILER ALERT she totally wins the election. Come on - this book is about a lot of things, but crushing disappointment and the staying power of the patriarchy aren't among them.
Louis I, King of the Sheep (by Olivier Tallec) follows Louis on his rise to power and eventual fall from grace as he reigns over all of the sheep.
The gut-busting illustrations of poncy Versaillesed-up sheep are enough to keep me reaching for this one again and again, not to mention the low word count (CRITICAL) and the dark turn mid-book. I genuinely love children's books that aren't afraid of people (or farm animals) being shitty assholes sometimes.
5. Mother High-Rise Skinny Jeans
I like seriously told them, "you guyyyyys, omg stop using my pic from the dressing room to sell these jeans online!" But they were like "ma'am, you signed a contract," so I was like "aw shucks if you insist," and they were like, "that's why we wrote this contract," and I was like "I love you guys too!!! #squadjeans!" So anyway THIS JOKE IS 40 WORDS TOO LONG all I was trying to say was this is not what I look like in these jeans.
Regardless, I dropped $188 bones on these fucking jeans. And I am the girl who shops with 40% off coupons at Old Navy, so this is a big deal.
They are buttery-soft, high rise, wildly comfortable, and I love them more than my former pets.
YEP. I SAID IT.
If there were some kind of system in place wherein I could trade a shelter-adopted pet for a backup pair of these outstanding jeans, then I would be the inventor of that system and probably its only customer because I am a monster.
But these jeans tho.