next-level rage stroke: harvey fucking weinstein

OK SO QUICK RECAP.



Harvey Weinstein sexually assaults women. 

If you are a woman (or a particularly foxy ficas) and have been in a room with Harvey Weinstein at any point over the last 20 years, then it's likely that you have been pressured, pushed, manipulated, intimidated, literally chased, grabbed, groped, and bullied into compromising your safety and self-respect. Make no mistake, this man is a violent predator.

When the news broke, I remember feeling something along the lines of:

mm hmm
wwwwwwhat a prick
yep

As I scrolled down the list of known assaults, I began to get an image of Harvey Weinstein as a rhinoceros that had guzzled a crate of Viagra, and then gone charging through the world with a furious scaly rhino dong, grabbing women, demanding massages, ready to pop off into any wet hole or leafy cavity that happened to be in his path.

We've all met one of those bros. Am I right, ladies?

I'm not even going to touch Harvey Weinstein's actual statement because that's been so thoroughly eviscerated that I'm, like, good there. I feel like his worthless garbage apology, like "meh meh meh I grew up in the 60's" (oh you mean like fucking Mr. Rogers you bag of angry dicks) has been beaten with cudgels, set aflame, and then stomped into a fine ashy silt by a million screaming women and, like, they were very thorough. There's nothing more for me to do there.




What I want to talk about is how dudes are talking about this guy. The famous people comments and statements, plus just the general man approach on "the Harvey Weinstein scandal."

Everyone's so fucking shocked that Harvey Weinstein is a monster. There must be "two Harvey Weinsteins" according to Jeffrey Katzenberg! Holy shit, J Katz blew the lid off this case. TWO HARVEY WEINSTEINS! He's a MASTER OF ILLLUSION! It couldn't possibly be the case that a wealthy white dude studio head has selective awareness of another wealthy white dude studio head's shitty rape habit, because if he doesn't look directly into the faces of the women who have been shittily raped by the second wealthy white dude studio head, EVERYONE CAN KEEP MAKING LOTS AND LOTS OF MONEY.  No no, you're good, Jeff. You figured out a way to make sure you can't possibly be blamed for this. Good job. Now all you have to do is leak your email to The Hollywood Reporter, leak that you anonymously donated some money to some rape charity somewhere, maybe the Lady Gaga one from the Oscars a couple years ago, and you're golden.

Everyone's so certain that this kind of behavior is unacceptable! Appalling! Nauseating! I wouldn't be surprised to hear that Thesaurus.com went dark in the hours after the Weinstein story broke, when all the publicists rushed to their laptops to find other words that mean "ew."

Everyone has DAUGHTERS! And SISTERS! And MOMS! And WIVES! Is that what it takes for a man to find sexual assault scary and disgusting? Having a daughter/sister/mom/wife? Sweet Lord, I would hate to see what those fucking Bradys were up to before they met that lovely lady we've heard so much about.

Before:
here's the story
of a man named brady
who invited young girls to his room alone
he would answer the door
in a bathrobe
swinging a raging bone

After:

alright boys
that settles it
now that we've met these
daughters
and sisters
and wives
and stuff
moving forward
women
are people too
everyone good with that?

so just to clarify
bobby

women
are
people
just like men!
from this point on!
okay?

weren't before.
are now.
got it?
All of these men are just out there like beating their chests at each other, like, BRO, you hate rape? I hate rape too! WE ARE GOOD MEN.

They're just at the top of their lungs expounding on the profound levels of shock and disgust and outrage, and fawning over the heroes who have come forward at great personal cost and vowing that they will speak up NEXT TIME! I swear to God, if one more white-toothed millionaire tells me that he will NEVER let this happen on HIS watch, I am going to start punching wieners.

GENTLEMEN. GATHER.

I hear you.
You are shocked.
You have daughters.
You wish to express your outrage and solidarity with women.
You wish to let us know that you would protect us from harm.
You think Harvey Weinstein is a monster.
You proclaim that WE must ALL do BETTER for our WOMEN.

None of this is "incorrect." These are all "right" answers. And I know you genuinely feel upset and angry and staggered at the scope of the crime.

But I'm going to bring you into the inner circle right now, guys:

I DON'T REALLY BELIEVE YOU. NONE OF US DO.

We can't afford to.

I know and like hundreds of nice guys, and I trust 3 men on this entire fucking Earth.

Gentlemen, no matter how nice you are, how many lady friends you have, how happily married, how many daughters you have sired, and how many chick flicks you've watched and then said, "Hey, that was actually pretty good," 99.9% of the women in your life are reserving about 10% of their opinion of you. We are waiting.

We are waiting for you to have too many drinks one night. We are waiting for you to compliment our new jeans in front of the boss at work. We're waiting for you to interrupt us and explain our experience back to us - "You weren't actually catcalled, he just really liked your shirt." We aren't waiting because it's fun, or we're crazy. But because it happens. all. the. fucking. time. We have to hang back a bit and wait for your inner dirtbag to show himself because experience has shown us that he always fucking does.

So I believe that you mean everything you're saying today. I believe you want to protect women from Harvey Weinstein. I believe you genuinely want a safer world for girls.

I just don't believe you can be part of that safer world. Not yet. Not while you're still SHOCKED that Harvey fucking Weinstein is a piece of shitty, shitty shit.

Oh, you're shocked?

Really? Really. REALLY? Pay a-fucking-ttention, CHAD. When you chew up fifteen minutes of my day expressing your total galloping dumbfounded astonishment that the guy that every woman in Hollywood knew was a predator turned out to be a fucking predator, that tells me three things: 1) You don't talk to very many women about what it's like to be a woman, and 2) You don't listen to me, ever, and 3) you don't believe women when they tell you that something feels creepy, off, or weird about Harvey.

Guarantee you this conversation happened about 40,000 times over the last 20 years:

Female Actress: Hey, Harvey just asked me to meet in his hotel room tonight about the script.
Male Actor: Oh really?
FA: Yeah, did he ask you too?
MA: No... but I'm sure it's fine.
FA: I don't know, it feels a little weird.
MA: Listen, it's Harvey Weinstein. I'm sure it's fine.
FA: I guess, but, you know, you hear things.
MA: People love to talk about powerful guys. Everyone wants to take him down.
FA: Yeah, that's true.
MA: You're probably just nervous. This could be a great opportunity for you.
FA: You're right.

Don't be fucking shocked, Chad. Your shock might be your attempt to empathize with me. You might be trying to imagine how we women feel. Look at these gifs. These are women who walked on the street. The little boxes inside the screen are their loved ones watching what their experience was like. Look at our faces, Chad. All the lady faces. Do we look shocked to you.







Fuck no, we don't look shocked. We look fucking tired. We look like this smells like the same shit stew that we have to stomach day in and day out, and you just walked into the room and you're like

yeah
i know
i fucking live here dude

You say you're shocked to show me you're on my team. But your shock shows me you aren't on my team. Your shock asks me to comfort or reassure you. Your shock tells me that my life is something you don't actually want to know about.

If you were on my team you would be listening to me explain why I'm not fucking shocked.

for the low low priceof $3.59
you can help chad
pay a-fucking-ttention

You're calling for men to condemn this behavior when they see it? OK, first of all, that's a pretty low bar to clear. OBVIOUSLY, in the wake of a sensational firing of a prominent and powerful man for sexual assault, what sane person is going to come out in favor of the behavior of repeatedly bullying and manipulating women into unwilling sexual...



... OKAY, BESIDES THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. We all knew that one. That was a gimme.

Condemn this behavior when they see it? Bitch, please. You won't see it. Not because Harvey Weinstein was like a master of deception. But because he is rich and was powerful and you wanted something from him, and the thing you wanted from him mattered way more than whether he literally chased a young girl around the room and forced her to touch his penis and then she left Hollywood and gave up on her lifelong dream of acting because the experience was so humiliating and traumatic.

You think he's a monster! I bet you sincerely do. I bet you really think that he's an awful violent beast. Here's the problem. When you call him a monster, you are creating distance between you and Harvey Weinstein. It gives you a sense of absolution that you have not earned. Like, "Well I'VE never lunged at a young woman and tried to stuff my hand up her skirt and into her vagina while she screamed and tried to run away. I'm obviously a feminist." Or, "I've never refused to work with someone because she refused to suck my dick. I am a friend to the ladies." Or, "I think rape is gross. Clearly, I've never hurt a woman." False, Chad. False. False forever. False all over your face.

You need to take a deep breath and a hard look at your life, and you need to look for all of the places where you are exactly like Harvey fucking Weinstein. Because those places are there. Yes, in you, Matt Damon.

Have you ever felt entitled to a woman's time or energy?
Have you ever talked over a woman coworker or excluded her from a project because it would be easier socially without her?
Have you ever been annoyed when a woman caused a problem with a complaint against a co-worker?
Have you ever interrupted a woman?
Have you ever felt angry at her when she was direct with you?
Have you ever called your ex crazy?

Have you ever looked the other way when someone was being an asshole to a woman?

Just because you aren't this particular brand of dirtbag doesn't make you Maya fucking Angelou, Chad. You have misogyny in you. Everyone does. Every man in America can do better at respecting women, and I include in that statement literally every man in America.*

If you want to be a friend to the ladies, stop being shocked. I seriously cannot get over everyone's SHOCK. Every time you're STILL FUCKING SHOCKED, it insults me.

Unless... did you just emerge from a time capsule like Brendan Fraser in Blast from the Past? Are we about to have a fucking malted and look at your mint-condition baseball cards together and fall in love in totally predictable beats? Have you seriously never heard of a public figure abusing women? Are you also flabbergasted at the sight of a goddamned magic key fob that unlocks all the car doors at the same time?

You can only be shocked once, guys. After that you're choosing to stick your head in the sand. After that, you are making the conscious choice to continue to default to believing men instead of listening to women when they tell you something's up. Start listening to us. Believe us.

If you want to be a friend to the ladies, don't tell me what you would have done if you'd been there. Don't draw me like a fucking Super Bro comic book about how AWESOME you are at being AWESOME. Stop asking me to thank you for hypothetically saving me from something that hasn't happened to me yet. Stop picturing my devastating violation so that you can check out how swoll you look in your fantasy reel. It is fucked up. Stop it.

If you want to be a friend to the ladies, do not vow to fight anyone who tries to rape a woman in fucking front of you. That will probably never happen to you. What could easily happen to you, and definitely does, all the time, is you shit on your female coworker, or your girlfriend/wife, or a woman in line at Starbucks. Vow to learn about common ways that "nice guys" unknowingly fuck up women's days, and start to know when you do them, and then stop doing them. Not as fun as punching a dude and getting applause, I know. But it's actually better for EVERYONE. Swear to god it is.


If you want to be a friend to the ladies, Jeffrey Katzenberg, after you condemn Harvey Weinstein's admitted bad behavior and establish that THERE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN TWO HARVEY WEINSTEINS, HE'S SERIOUSLY SO METHOD, NOBODY KNEW EXCEPT EVERY WOMAN IN HOLLYWOOD AND A SHITLOAD OF LAWYERS AND THE WRITERS OF 30 ROCK, do not, I repeat though clenched teeth, DO NOT OFFER TO HELP HIM SPIN THE FUCKING SITUATION:

As someone who has been a friend of yours for 30 years, I'm available to give you advice on how to at least try to make amends, if possible address those that you've wronged, and just possibly find a path to heal and redeem yourself. Having watched your reactions, seen the actions you have taken and read your statement, I will tell you, in my opinion, you have gone about this all wrong and you are continuing to make a horrible set of circumstances even worse.

That's a piping hot gallon of hell no, JK. How about, instead:

As someone who has been a friend of yours for 30 years, I am going to offer to hire every woman that you have ever hurt, in whatever capacity she would like. I will pull every string I have and make sure that every door is open to every single woman, and I will work tirelessly to ensure that that shackles you placed on these women's careers will be removed, so help me God. I will tell you, in my opinion, that when I say that men need to step up and stand with these women, it means stepping the fuck up and standing with these fucking women, and that is the ONLY fucking thing I can do to keep from making a horrible set of circumstances even worse.

HOW ABOUT THAT JEFFY.

HOW ABOUT WE STOP TRYING TO HELP THE VIOLENT SOCIOPATHIC CRIMINAL, JEFF.

And it saddens me to report that Katzenberg isn't the only Jeff who needs to take a long fucking walk in the woods.

Jeff Bridges, the dude, one of my all-time faves, reportedly said, in a very Dude way, "He's facing his demons now. I hope he leans into those demons and comes out the other side a richer person. I hope the best for him."

OK, for this next gif, I'm the sheriff. Ready?




WHAT THE FUCK, THE DUDE. That is something you say about a guy with a heroin addiction, not something you say about the John Wayne Gacy of sexual assault.

THE DUDE. YOU WERE MORE ANGRY ABOUT THE FUCKING CREDENCE TAPES than you are about Harvey fucking Weinstein's gross, and I mean that both ways, GROSS violations of unknown scores of women.

If it seems like I'm yelling at you, it's because I'M YELLING AT YOU, READER. 


I'M TIRED OF BEING FURIOUS ABOUT ANGRY POWERFUL MEN. I'M READY TO NOT HAVE TO TEACH ANYONE HOW TO BELIEVE WOMAN VOICES. ALL I WANT TO DO IS BLOG ABOUT POTTY TRAINING OKAY??? BUT THE WORLD WE LIVE IN FUCKING HATES ME AND WANTS TO MAKE SURE I KNOW THAT MY VOICE IS SHRILL AND IRRITATING AND LYING AND UNTRUSTWORTHY AND STUPID AND EMOTIONAL AND INCAPABLE OF KNOWING WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED TO ME SO WE BETTER ASK THE GUY TO GET THE SCOOP. 


THIS IS BULLSHIT. HARVEY FUCKING WEINSTEIN IS BULLSHIT AND OUR SHOCK IS BULLSHIT AND YOUR HERO FANTASY IS BULLSHIT AND ALL OF OUR HOPES AND DREAMS AND PRAYERS FOR A BETTER TOMORROW ARE BULLSHIT.


Why are waiting until next time to speak up and do right? We have a time right here. It's now. Let's go.



So. To recap. Again.


The natural, instinctive response when you hear about Harvey fucking Weinstein:


1. He's a monster (not like me)


2. I would have stopped it (because I'm a good guy)


3. I have daughters (so now this isn't okay anymore)


4. We need to start building a better world and calling this out when we see it (although we don't have to see it if it's like really uncomfortable to see it).


5. I AM SHOCKED.


What we need your response to be when you hear about Harvey fucking Weinstein:


1. He's manipulated his position of power to put women in positions of vulnerability where they couldn't choose not to engage with him sexually without risking their careers or reputations. I need to work harder to become aware of my position of power, as a man, to make sure that I am not putting women in positions of vulnerability.


2. What can I do to support women who have suffered sexual assault? This conversation isn't about how brave and strong I am, it's about the challenges that women continue to face just existing in the world. 


3. Sexual assault is a violent crime that is offensive to me as a human being, not because I am related to a person who is female.


4.  I am going to work on my own awareness of how I benefit from systems that keep Harvey fucking Weinstein on top for 20 years while he rapes and assaults women. I'm going to work on dismantling those systems. It's uncomfortable to see it, but I have to see it.


5. I listen to women. I believe them. I am not shocked.



OK I'm done now.



i love this one because it says
do you think
i might have drink

not
a drink
not
one drink

just
drink

yes

have
drink


Love,

Katie

PS - If you fist-pumped and screamed YASSS QUEEN while reading this post, please consider throwing me a bone on Patreon or Paypal (katykatikate at gmail) for writing it. Or maybe even FIVE WHOLE BONES? I love writing this blog and would do it for free, but weirdly my kids' teachers don't feel the same way? Either way, thanks for reading, sharing, and LISTENING TO WOMEN. xo



* 10/16 - This post has been edited to remove a joke that was insensitive.
PS - Here are some statements by famous men who did some stuff right:


Kevin Smith, thanks for acknowledging how you have profited from Harvey fucking Weinstein's shitty rape habit:


He financed the first 14 years of my career - 

and now I know while I was profiting, others were in terrible pain. 
It makes me feel ashamed.



Seth Rogen, thanks for explicitly saying that you believe women. (I honestly cannot even believe that it's like a reasonable thing to praise a person for believing that a person might be telling the truth, but, fuck it, it's 2017, the entire United States of America listened to a candidate for President brag about sexual assault on goddamn tape, listened to him ADMIT that he said it, and then said, "You know what? That's fine. That's actually fine. I'm still on the Trump train," soooo here we are, thanks Seth Rogen):


I believe all the women coming forward about Harvey Weinstein's sexual harassment. 

It takes bravery to do so.



Colin Firth, thanks for acknowledging both how you profited from the favor of a sexual predator, and the invisible power dynamic that Harvey fucking Weinstein used to elicit nonconsensual sexual contact from who knows how many women:


It’s with a feeling of nausea that I read what was going on while I was benefiting from Harvey Weinstein’s support. He was a powerful and frightening man to stand up to. 

It must have been terrifying for these women to step up and call him out. 
And horrifying to be subjected to that kind of harassment. 
I applaud their courage.



Paul Feig, thanks for saying that women need backup, and for pointing out that there is a cost to speaking up, and also thanks for making good movies about powerful women:


Men need to speak up. 
This can’t be women just speaking up. 
They need backup. 
It’s a big sacrifice for women to come forward with this stuff. 
As we’ve seen over history, they are generally not rewarded for coming forward.



If you liked this next-level rage stroke, you might also enjoy next-level rage stroke: thanks, brock fucking turner, or have you ever.

you're welcome!
for real.


159 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. (Katniss Hunger Games Salute)

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    2. OMG... This was fucking fantastic. So brilliant. So so so fucking amazing.

      Thankyou.

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    3. Thank you Katie for this post. I've gone through sexual assault so I know what these women are going through, I've also been sexually harassed by a man in a position of power. He told me no one would ever believe me if I said anything. He was a chef for a major food company. His name is Bob W.

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    4. After another week of overwhelming fury over what real-life is for women, this morning my anger had no where else to go then to stream out of my eyes in tears. Unable to emotionally or intellectually process another article but equally unable to look away, I stumbled across this. I dried my tears and settled back in with my rage. Queen, you can have a whole five bucks from me and an abundance of gratitude for reminding me to get my rage off my pity couch and back in the faces of woke men where it belongs.

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    5. Stereotypes are fine as long as the target is "privileged."

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    6. CJ and Anonymous ... dudes. Are you guys shocked at all of this?

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    7. Truly a great post! Thank you for this. Let's all be Fred Rogers! I worry though, that HW is already talking about second chances, redemption and rehab. I think HW and those like him might be the guns of this story. And we still haven't done Jack Shit about guns.

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    8. Why are we all surprised at this? Everyone, even women, have known and heard the rumors about Weinstein for decades. But their dreams of being paid pretenders for careers meant MORE to them then walking away and getting a real job that actually benefits humanity.

      Crying foul over the entertainment industries, and even the men who are feigning anger and appall, is well... pointless.

      You are talking to an entire corrupt, self centered, self bloviating, self serving industry.. all of them are...it is the quintessential dog eat dog world and for some reason, we have not empowered people to walk away from wanting to spend their lives 'pretending' to be people and have pretend careers on film, that they could no way do 'off film'.

      How about we be angry at the men who frequent strip bars, frequent hookers, frequent the dirty convenience store to buy their latest Penthouse poison?
      How about we lose our fake 'rage' with what we already KNEW was happening in Hollywood and focus on the 'other issues' plaguing and demoralizing women?
      Have you ever been inside one of those 'sleezy' gentleman's( a direct contradiction to the 'men' who actually frequent those places) and seen what those girls have been brainwashed into thinking their only values is?
      I hope your outrage is taken to your local area strip club, porn hub and street hooker who has been subjected her whole life into believing she could never really be anything more than a hooker.

      It's the same mentality that these female actresses have... they allow themselves to be subjected, in what is a known corrupt, highly perverted industry, in the name of a career that they think they so desperately want and need to fill their own self centered, self narcisstic 'wants' and 'dreams'.

      How about we just turn the whole industry OFF... stop funding it..because the WHOLE thing is corrupt and amoral? Men like Weinstein et al...have the power..because shills like us FUND him. We have only our own societal shallowness to blame for 'men' like Harvey Weinstein and Donald Trump and for the women who, in the name of their own careers/dreams put up with it to get where they wanted. There are no 'victims' here.. Everyone crying foul is just another great entertainment performance.

      Cory Feldman has been trying to shed light on this for over 2 decades... no one cares...least of all the people who pay and support this industry.
      #FauxOutrage.
      #CutTheCable
      #LearnANewHobby
      #DefundTheEntertainmentIndustry

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    9. This is the most blantantly sexist article I have ever read. You literally say every man has a sexual predator inside them, and you get away with it because your targeting men as a woman.

      But if a man said every woman needs to watch for the whore inside them so it doesnt come out, every women would be offended by that and so would I.

      Harvey Weinstien is a vile, evil man who gets his kicks torturing women, but that does not entitle you to label all men that way.

      To say someone complementing your outfit is sexist is just insane, its not the compliment thats sexist you crazy femminist its how its delivered.

      I refuse to live in a world where people are labeled as something merely due to their gender. I get that a man doing this angers women, but it angers moral men too.

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    10. I was in the screen actors guild and screen extras guild for over 5 years working in all the popular movies and television series. Let the truth be known all the actresses are whores, liars and cheats in order to get the best possible parts their lackluster talent allows. Some of my gentlemen friends were propositioned by famous queer producers and directors. Even on the lowest level of production, some of my friends were giving sex favors to the wardrobe departments. Most of the costume and wardrobe people are fags and take advantage of the movie extras who only want more jobs. Sex favors to producers, directors, production assistants and members of the crew were commonplace. If you weren't giving sex favors then somehow you had a connection to a relative in the industry that kept you working. Nepotism was wide spread throughout the movie industry. So now consider a very ugly old man like Harvey Weinstein and ask yourself how he got away with bad habits for over 30 years? He kept the actresses working. Maybe he kept a few actors working too? I am sure we will hear from more rats who like to grass up their Hollywood connection once the witch hunt becomes a bonfire!

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    11. Unknown:
      >>This is the most blantantly sexist article I have ever read. You literally say every man has a sexual predator inside them, and you get away with it because your targeting men as a woman.<<

      You should read more. A lot more. You should also brush up on your understanding of sexism, bc it is far more than simply gender based discrimination. Sexism is a system of oppression in which women (as well as people viewed as women) are accorded second class status based on their actual or perceived gender. The oppression they experience occurs in interpersonal behavior, in the workplace, in church, at home, and more. I happens everywhere along the socioeconomic ladder. It occurs systemically as well (kinda what system of oppression implies). A country with dramatically lower levels of sexism would see far more women in positions of power in the courts, among CEOs, and among elected officials. In such a system, there would be no glass ceiling. There also would likely not be a Rape Culture. Sadly, we have a rape culture. We have a glass ceiling. And so much more. What we don't have is a system of oppression by which women dominate men. There is no systemic discrimination that deliberately privileges women to the expense of men. There are no extensive sets of laws on the books that privilege women over men.

      As with racism (Black and Non-Black PoC cannot be racist against wyte people bc there is no system of oppression in place in this country where we wield the reins of power and can oppress, discriminate, and subjugate wyte people), so is sexism (there is no system of oppression in this country where women overwhelmingly wield the reins of social, political, economic, and religious power.

      (there is, however, gender based prejudice, just as there is race based prejudice)

      BTW, I'm sure you can point to the exact sentence where she said all men have sexual predators wihin them, bc I darn sure can't find it. You wouldn't have deliberately misinterpreted anything she said to serve your own blatantly obvious MRA agenda, would you?

      Delete
    12. Unknown:
      At 31, I've yet to meet a man outside my own family who hasn't sooner or later (usually sooner) revealed his inner pushy, boundary-crashing creep. I feel comfortable saying I'm almost certain you have one in you, too. Ever been canoodling with a girl and she says something like, "I just want to make out and not take it any further tonight" and you said it's cool and then tried to grope her anyway? Ever been laying in bed with your sweetie, trying to turn her on and had your wandering hands met with a "I'm really not in the mood right now, sorry, love," and backed off only to try again a minute or two later? Sent a dick pic? Confronted a woman with statements about how attractive you find her when they're pretty clearly not something she's enthusiastic about hearing, because it felt good to you to say it? Allowed a woman to enjoy a relationship with you for a while that she thinks is a friendship and then, some weeks or months in, sprung on her that ACTUALLY you're like totally into her? Or waited to try to kiss a woman you're not sure is into you until you're pretty sure she's sufficiently drunk? I betcha you have. That's the inner creep we all know we're gonna meet if we get to know a fella even a little bit. And I don't have no love for any man who can't cop to that. Because I've met y'all. 3 decades+ worth of y'all. Not a one of you has surprised me yet, and you don't get to feel like a good guy until you've done some deeeeeep, searching inventory of where in your life you find you let yourself get away with sneaking, imposing, coercing, pressuring or intruding.

      Delete
  2. I wish this had les swearing so I could pass this on to my students but OMG yes. Thank you for writing this!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know what, I could write a version with less swearing. Shoot me an email, ok?

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    2. I think the swearing needs to stay in.

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    3. LOL, OK. Just let me know if you want me to write a PG version. :)

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    4. Keep the swearing keep it all

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    5. I'd really love it if you could shot me a cleaner version! All of this article is just yes yes yes!

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    6. Absolutely keep the swearing in! I am tired of (mostly men) commenting that women shouldn't swear...

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    7. USE IT AS IS! YOUR STUDENTS HAVE PROBABLY MUSTERED MORE "SWEAR WORDS" IN AN HOUR THAN ARE FOUND WITHIN THE CONFINES OF THIS OPEN LETTER!REAL PAIN DESERVES REAL TALK!

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    8. Yes, but if the teacher wants to keep a job a cleaner version is needed because the parents don't want the swearing, you understand?

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    9. Fuck people who want you to stop swearing. What, it's not ladylike enough for you? Suck it, snowflakes.

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    10. She wants to keep her job as a teacher! Requesting a clean version seems appropriate. Don't you want boys to hear this??

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    11. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    12. The original version has a brilliant attitude but it is totally understandable that a teacher would want a cleaner version, perhaps with less "like"s and other vernacular terms as well... good grammar and writing are still needed to breach the walls of academia... a sad fact of bureaucracy and academic tradition/ convention... worth the compromise of a "cleaner" version to get the ideas heard by a wider audience!

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  3. This is great. Well done. Put this on Medium or Thought Catalogue to get more ppl to see. This is something out of my personal handbook ha. xo

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  4. Have you ever told girls (and the world) that they can join your scouting organization (so you don't go under) by not so subtlety dismissing 100+ years of excellent programs for girls?

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    Replies
    1. And notice that girls' organizations have not admitted boys. Women know that girls need that boys-free zone to learn and grow. Men tend not to believe in single sex education or extracurricular activities, except sports, because boys need to show off in front of girls or show how much better at things they are then girls (rarely true).

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    2. I totally disagree with the statement that girls need boy-free zones to learn and grow. My daughter was involved in the Boy Scouts Venture program from age 14 on, and she thrived. (Venture Crews are co-ed.) Will also say that the other young women in the group also loved the program as they had an equal playing field with the guys. She learned many skills, and had mentors of both sexes in the program. My daughter disliked Girl Scouts an refused to be in a troop, but loved the high adventure Venture crew where she became a scuba instructor, did rock climbing, skiing, snow boarding, hiking, biking, camping and lots of other sports and activities. The other advantage was that both the young men and women learned to respect each others abilities and how to support each other as friends, and co-workers.

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    3. Excellent programs for girls?? My daughter was in Girl Scouts for many years. It was so lame. There was nothing really stimulating (they were still making leaf prints at age 13!) and even when they went camping the girls were not allowed to tend a fire, much less build one. They made little doodads to trade with other troops and did some orienteering games. My daughter, a hockey player since age 8 and experienced in the outdoors, would have been much happier in the boy scouts.

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  5. This blog post fucking rocks! I'm beyond over people (men and women) being shocked, of a "boys will be boys" dismissal of misogyny, and the world of men and women who make predators like Harvey and 45 possible.

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  6. You made me cry. Thank you. Best rant ever. Fucktards... all of them.

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  7. So very excellent. Thank you. Been saying this for 35 years just not as eloquently as you just did. How do I subscribe to your blog?

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    1. Hi Brenda! There is an option to subscribe on the right sidebar, under "hook up." I hate doing those "keep in touch" pop-ups, so I try to keep it available but nonintrusive. Thank you for reading!!

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  8. FANTASTIC! You have a new fan for life.

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  9. Thank you thank you thank you thank you. I'm 58 and have dealt with this shit all of my life. BTW props to young Brad Pitt who, as a young relative unknown actor went up to Harvey Weinstein after he tried to force Brad's then-girlfriend Gwyneth Paltrow into having sex with him in his hotel room (she was 22) and threatened Weinstein with bodily harm. Pitt risked his career, but he knew that a coward like Weinstein would fold when faced with a real threat. And PS, you forgot we're also sick of hearing how we are "scary" or "intimidating" when we are being competent and professional.

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    Replies
    1. I never heard that story about Brad Pitt before. Good for him!
      It is so affirming to hear that some one else is sick if hearing the scary and intimidating crap comments!

      The entire post is fantastic and really should be required reading!

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  10. I would have put swearing in the EXACT places you did!!!
    Props for re-writing for the teacher to pass out to her students.

    I've been saying over and over, "I believe all of the women. If I'm wrong about 1 in 1000, I'll take those odds.
    This kind of shit started with the security guard in my high school. And went from there until today. Experienced something just
    Two weeks ago. I'm 55 years old! WTF???

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  11. Started with the PE teacher who used to fondle us in the equipment room in middle school. Well said, exactly right.

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  12. omg. why haven't i ever read anything by you. remedied immediately. the world just got better by a power of eleventy. thank you thank you thank you

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    1. omg thank you so much! You're welcome, you're welcome, you're welcome, NOW WE CAN TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

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  13. Well written powerful blog. In an ever growing world of trash talking Presidents and other freaks of nature it's refreshing to read something with so much street smart insight.

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  14. Wow~ All the thing(k)s that have been rolling around in my head articulated with such verve! Thank you, THANK YOU for giving clear voice to that which, it seems, is so difficult to navigate while it's actually happening. I hope it starts conversation about what we are doing, how we value each other, and what kind of world we are all making.

    I really like what you've done here and would like to 'throw that bone', but from what I could see, through the link you provided, you're only set up there to receive 'patron' donations? Also not sure what the term of a 'patron donations' is -- like can you opt out at will? Is it for a year? In perpetuity? I'd really just as soon make a one time gift and, if there is some way to do that, I'd appreciate a link or method to make that happen.

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    1. What up Samchigirl! Thanks for your question, and for throwing me that bone! Patreon is a tool for creating a membership platform, so they only process recurring payments of any amount, that can be stopped at any time you want. That being said, I have had members pledge an amount, and then just cancel their recurring payment after a single cycle, and I don't take that shit personally. ;) You can also PayPal me at KatyKatiKate at gmail.com!

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    2. check your pay pal

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  15. I'm a survivor of two assaults. I have had men stalk me. I am FUCKING TIRED of us not being believed. Tell them! With ALL THE FUCKING SWEARS!

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    1. ALL. THE. FUCKING. SWEARS. FOR. CATTIE.

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  16. Thsnk you for opening my eyes to my injustice. I now see the error of my ways and instead of talking I will listen and I will believe.

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  17. Oh God thank you for this. Honestly.

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  18. Excellent article; thought provoking. Make me think back to my experiences in the workplace. Would be more useful without swearing and without racial references, i.e. "white". Thanks for writing.

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    1. Nope, fucking white doods need to pay attention.
      You self-conscious about whiteness?

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    2. His whiteness needs to be mentioned- it puts him in a position of immense power. There is no hiding from that. Rich, white, man- 3 layers of huge privilege

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    3. They are not white by accident - their race is power. BTW, all white people need to "pay-a-fucking-ttention Chad" to the REASONS that football players are kneeling. Black Lives Matter.

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  19. Yaass! "Even" one of my man friends who has seemed to truly understand posted "Why all the outrage about Harvey Weinstein? Isn't there enough going on in the news?" I opined that it is not about Harvey Weinstein, but the entire phenomenon of powerful people abusing less powerful people. And we're getting really pissed. A teeny victory: in a store I was approached by a man offering coupons for a product I would buy. I signed up and thanked him. He said, "Sure thing, Darlin'" I gritted my teeth, almost ignored it, then thought better of my silence. I said, "A word to the wise: don't call women 'Darlin'." He seemed surprised, but apologized. I hope he considered my words.

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    1. I sometimes get called "hon" by female cashiers at supermarkets and other businesses, but I just brush it off. My life has been much happier since I stopped taking offense when none is intended.

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  20. lol I reposted this with a 'Don't #notallmen @ me' and look what I find in the comments. Color me surprised (yeah that was sarcasm), and hello Lewis' Law.

    I consider myself lucky. I had a sexual predator who was close friends with my family and managed to avoid him because, age 10, my creeper alert was going off like a fire alarm. It took work though because nobody else seemed to get it. The stories I heard about him many years later, I was like "uh huh, yup, totally not surprised". Pretty sure there's a bunch of women and girls who wouldn't be either.

    For many years I envied women who easily trusted men because it really sucks when you're always wondering if you can. Logically I knew that 50% of the human race weren't all assholes, but the only way to learn who isn't is to take a risk. I listen to my creeper alert and I gtfo, but of course it isn't foolproof and you cannot always gtfo. Every woman has stories of the guy they trusted who crossed a line without asking if it was okay, or just ignored the 'no'. You have to extend some trust because you need a job, place to live, lift home, etc., and each time that we're taken advantage of it compounds the damage because there's less trust left. And yeah, I'm tired. Even having a man I love and trust of my own now, I'm tired.

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  21. Next level rage stroke scares yet titillates me.THANKS.

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  22. In hope that young granddaughters will grow up in a better world I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

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  23. Thanks for posting! HW has forced me to relook at myself and the way I have lived and question many actions, beliefs that intentionally and more importantly unintentionally hurt women. This isn't an excuse, but I was raised the way I was raised and I have to step out side of that and relearn with unclouded eyes, if that is even possible. All the while I have to prove myself, as a man, until I die that I support women, men, children through actions that benefit folks. Men are all capable of doing HW actions, which is why it is imperative we observe, recognize and learn about our own actions in treating women they wish to be treated.

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    1. Sounds like you're doing the right things, or at least hoping to try. Thanks. Women need male allies. Also, the same system that causes HW to think he can get away with this shit, that raised you to be unconscious and unaware of your role... often makes men's lives much worse. You guys are pressured to act like emotionless assholes obsessed with money. That's no fun either. So every guy who pushes back against the general societal crappyass male role is helping not just our daughters and granddaughters, but our sons and grandsons, too. The kids who are growing up to think they deserve to be rich and famous, with girls hanging off their dicks 24/7, and who when they grow up to discover this Bud Lite vision of life is not attainable, go off and become shooters.

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  24. Brava! Brava! Brava!
    As harsh as the tone may be..and I think it is..there is a reason.
    When you do not feel heard..you will get louder.
    Lots of men will immediately be defensive. They should not.
    They should still their owm tjoughts and juat hear the words..dont ignore the tone either..but stop taking it as a personal attack that you are irretrievably male and we are man hating.
    We are screaming to be heard and understood because we think you can listen and understsnd and begin again to be better.. Even now in this crazy world where ALL my women friends have endless stories of molestation assault rape violent physical abuse and stalking.. ALL OF THEM...
    WE STILL BELIEVE THAT IN MOST MEN THERE IS THE ABILITY TO CHANGE..
    ITS CERTAINLY TIME.

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  25. I recently,as in last night, had a female online friend tell me to "Be classy," when I shared a post about a different scumbag...she went on to say that yes, these guys are "jerks" and gave me that garbage about when they go low, we should go high...I responded by re-sharing what I posted, as well as other posts that I felt it important for her to see, but did not presume to instruct her about how to behave...I have also shared your blog, and am now awaiting the shit storm...Thank you <3

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  26. YAASSS QUEEN! If you had rocked this any harder, the whole world would have shook!

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  27. Thank you. Thank you to the moon and back. All this.

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  28. I'm a man from France and came across this through a female friend of mine who shared your blog on Facebook. First, I was kind of annoyed, and as I read you through the end, I thought... "well, fuck, this is exactly the problem". I wouldn't have understood you one year ago. Because I was that kind of man: I do have a daughter, and I was against sexual harrassment like the good ol' patriarch who doesn't even realize that by doing so, he's reproducing domination (a self-satisfied kind one, but still). I'm also a social researcher, and as 99% of social researchers, you just think that you write intelligent academic shit, but you do not seem to grab the problem until you go through it.

    Then I was assaulted. As a man. In the office. My boss came into my office, everybody was out there drinking coffee and smoking a cigarette (which is quite common in France, not just in stereotypes about french people), and he just grabbed me from behind, pulled me, mimed a sexual act, and as I turned around to see who that was, he was staring me straight in the eye and said : "You like that, don't you?". He was taller than me, and I was petrified. Not the scared kind of petrified, but the wtf-kind. Like "is this really happening? Is this a bad joke? Is this somme hidden camera bullshit?" After two long and heavy minutes of silence, he turned around and walked away, mumbling a despising "you can't joke anymore".

    That was it. I knew something had happened, I became anxious about the whole workplace, and I left it. I only stayed four months there and could afford it financially. Some of my female coworkers couldn't: they were alone with children. They needed the job. They were desperate, destroyed, but needed the job.

    Then I got it. You are not shocked by harrassment and can't be. Being shocked is nothing, it's just the easy answer. It's like being shocked by Marine Le Pen being presidential candidate in France: alright, nobody wants her to win, but nobody really tries to understand what's going on. When you're shocked, you think it's enough. You don't have to dig deeper. You're shocked so that's okay: you just paid your social toll and bought yourself the "good guy token".

    I understood what was going on, and suddenly I was on the other side. And yes, all these crazy shitty things are bad, not only because you have daughters or wives, but because narcissistic and pervert predators are out there and because it's a question of humanity and social dominance.

    If you don't see the real issue, which is about domination and social power, then you don't even see the tip of the iceberg on the horizon. You think you see something, shouting "there must be land somewhere", and everyone on the ship is good with it.

    I told my male friends what happened, and they were shocked with disbelief. Even told me "are you sure it really happened that way?" or "it was probably just a joke": yes, I got all these answers, as a man, from my male friends. Only my female friends understood me, and my wife. They weren't shocked. They were sorry, but they were like "yeah man, well, this is awful, sincerely, but welcome to our world".

    I still got the chills thinking of it and even writing about it here is kind of difficult for me. I have never wrote it somewhere, so it's the first time for me.

    This precisely was when I understood what it was all about, and why I had been wrong in my reactions and reflexions, as a male. November 2016. I spent the whole month of December depressed and thinking about what I had done wrong, and that maybe I had just misread it all and... well, you know the deal.

    So yeah, I just experienced probably 5% of what women experience everyday, so I can't even begin to grasp the reality of it.

    But I want to thank you for this. Thank you for everyone who has to dwell through this game of dominator/dominated bullshit over and over again. There's still work.

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    1. well said, and sorry to hear this.

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    2. Thank you for sharing your story, AW. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

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    3. You experience what we experience, but that doesn't belittle of dimish your very real fears. Thank you.

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    4. Thanks for taking the time to tell your story here. I hope it was cathartic as well. Keep educating the dudes out there, AW!

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    5. That's a horrible thing that happened to you, AW. We understand you, and you understand us. I'm glad you have supportive women in your life.

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    6. I came back to read through the comments section and was very moved by your candor and the horrific event that you endured. I think I can honestly say I (want to) speak for every woman when I say that it doesn't matter that you are male or that it happened only one time. The shock, humiliation, fear, rage and myriad of emotions were/are real and it happened to YOU. Nobody can change that and maybe that is what we all need to understand. We cannot undo the damage of someone else's pain but we are obligated to acknowledge that it is there and that it is real. I'm very sorry that you have become a member of a club that nobody wants to join. Membership isn't invited or granted to become a victim of abuse of any kind; it's foisted upon people whose lives suddenly change from one moment to the next.
      Thank you for your bravery in sharing your story. I hope it will encourage other men to share their stories as well. This is a human tragedy.

      Delete
  29. Strong strong article Katie. Cant say I agreed with it in its entirety, but I saw validity in al your points and agreed with many even most. I have a thought however that I feel like I'd like to share with you. Possibly for a follow up post. But Id prefer to do so via email. May I ask your email address of choice? Thanks for this great article. Truly well written.

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  30. Thank you.i have 61 years of stories. Sometimes you just feel like a football in a stadium. They want you real bad but they throw you around and kick you. And when they get you and make that touch down they slam you on the grown. Sigh. Let's hope there is movement on the sexist scale.

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  31. It really is hard to understand how anybody could be shocked by these revelations after Donald Trump's and Bill Cosby's crimes came to light. There's a pattern here, and it's not like it's low-profile or in the distant past.

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  32. Thank you times infinity. I laughed, I cried, I read parts out loud to my mom then sent her the link, posted it on Facebook & Twitter. I said YES about a million times. Thank you for writing it. Every word. Sucks that you had to write it, but we have to keep going until it doesn't happen. Thank you.

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  33. Big ol' gay male nurse here, read this fantastic piece of writing and was so rattled I had to sit down on a stoop five minutes later and read it again. Posted it to my FB timeline and hope to all gods that some of my dudes of all stripes read it, get it, and work to be an ally. Thank you for this! (I'm not fully woke, but I'm damn well trying!) Again, thank you!

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  34. Thank you for this.

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  35. I know it doesn't mean much, but I've never been shocked. I've been disappointed. I've been angry. I've felt lost and in despair. But I've never felt shocked. Mostly I've felt ashamed. I've felt ashamed to be a man for pretty much my entire adult life and it is not because of women in any way. It is because of the actions and attitudes of other men. I am ashamed to share a gender with these disgusting fucking monsters. Not all of them obviously, but far too many. And, just as it's been described here, the vast majority who are willing to allow it to happen or to participate in their own more subtle ways.

    I know you already don't believe me. Why would you? I'm a man and I'm separating myself from the misdeeds and subtle misogyny of other men. Calling them monsters (I know that's too intellectually lazy), and drawing a line between myself and them. It's not because I'm somehow immune to the very same influences that cause and grow the feelings of male entitlement over women. It's because I've spent the better part of my life trying to become self-aware enough to see them coming and to learn how to fight them in myself. Not something I deserve to be applauded for either. It's something that all men SHOULD be doing already, and some do.

    It also didn't take me getting married or the birth of my daughter to do it. I did already have a mother and a sister, but that wasn't the reason why either. I try to maintain this awareness of myself everyday for the same reason I do so with regard to race or any other form of prejudice. Because I know it's wrong. I know it's unfair. I know that I wouldn't want that kind of treatment for myself. Too many people are okay ignoring inequality and abuse as long as it's not negatively impacting them. Like conservatives who don't stand up to anti-gay policies until they find out that they have a gay child themselves.

    Holding one group in a favored position over another has never made sense to me. Like an unbalanced equation in my mind that continually drives me crazy. I've never been able to support it. Although there is certainly a lot of pressure to do just that. When it comes to misogyny and sexism, most of these guys know it's wrong too. They'll play it off like they don't and like it's just ingrained into them, but they know. They've either decided they just don't care, or they've come to rationalize it away somehow. Like saying that all these other guys are doing it, so it's okay for me to do it too. Bullshit. If something is fucking wrong, it is wrong no matter how many people are doing it. Period. Sexism, racism, xenophobia, heterosexism, etc. All the same shit.

    So, in that continuing effort of self-awareness. Let me answer your list.
    • Have you ever felt entitled to a woman's time or energy?
    No. Nobody owes me their time or energy. Man or woman. I feel grateful to those who offer it.

    • Have you ever talked over a woman coworker or excluded her from a project because it would be easier socially without her?
    No. To be honest, I'm generally more comfortable around women in these settings. Things tend to go smoother and function more efficiently.

    • Have you ever been annoyed when a woman caused a problem with a complaint against a co-worker?
    No. Given, I don't work in a situation where that's relevant anymore. Since I mostly work at home now. but in those situations when I was in a more traditional workplace, no. If a co-worker is treating someone inappropriately, it needs to be reported and dealt with. Period.

    • Have you ever interrupted a woman?
    Yes. But to be fair (not to diminish that admission), I have a problem interrupting everyone. I'm impulsive and sometimes I have a hard time waiting for my turn to speak. I do, however recognize that this is wrong whenever I do it.

    (CONTINUED - 1 of 2)

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  36. (CONTINUED - 2 of 2)

    • Have you ever felt angry at her when she was direct with you?
    No. I would rather she be direct. I like to get to the point instead of wasting time sugar-coating stuff. That's not particularly helpful.

    •Have you ever called your ex crazy?
    No. I don't remember even thinking my exes were crazy. Some were people I had a somewhat lower opinion of later, but not crazy.

    •Have you ever looked the other way when someone was being an asshole to a woman?
    Probably. I really try not to and I have stood up to help people before. But I have trouble with confrontation sometimes. So probably, not as often as I should have.

    Whether you believe me or not, there are good men out there. Legitimately good men. I'm sure those three you mentioned that you really trust are part of that group. Unfortunately, hundreds to three is about the ratio. I try my hardest to be one of them too and I will continue to do so. Just know that we are here and that we screaming at the top of our lungs, even though we are often drowned out by the far larger number of our misogynistic counterparts. And when things like this happen, we are not shocked either. Out of the fall out from the Harvey Weinstein scandal, as with the others, I'm just hoping for some justice and some progress. I hope it keeps going and takes down as many others like him as possible. But I know, sadly, the impact will probably be minimized as much as possible and these guys will be looking for the quickest way to get back to business as usual. However, there is always the hope that my cynicism will be proven wrong.

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    Replies
    1. Andrew, consider how much space you took up here. And consider what your central thesis was.

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  37. After having to leave my job because my supervisor, who has a daughter and claims he is a feminist, sexually harassed me for a year and when i told the program director they did nothing and when I told hr (with documentation and proof) they turned on me, I cannot say how much this post means to me. I need more shit in my life like this.

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  38. "Have you ever called your ex crazy?" Yes, the one who cheated on me to test my reaction, then stalked me after I wouldn't take her back.

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  39. When counting forced penetration, women are almost as likely to rape men as vice-versa. I don't personally know any men who take the precautions you describe, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't.

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    1. >>When counting forced penetration, women are almost as likely to rape men as vice-versa. <<

      Do you have a source for that assertion?

      Delete
  40. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    Replies
    1. Cue the accusations of "tone policing"...

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    2. HOLY SHIT I SEEMED HOSTILE TO RAPISTS???? I. AM. SO. SORRY.

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    3. You anger wasn't hostile or off-putting to me. I got a girlie boner reading it.

      Notice I didn't chase you around the room with it though LIKE SOME PEOPLE. :)

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    4. Zobee and Ou812, I love you. I'm deleting the original comment by Anonymous because it's not my fucking job to be a platform for his trash, which will delete your comments too. Just wanted you to know why your comments on this particular thread wouldn't be here anymore. xoxoxoxoxo

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  41. Thankyou, from the bottom of my heart. Hard to read, blunt, and absolutely the truth of the matter. I hear you, and I believe you...

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  42. You nailed it. My lack of shock seemed so out of place compared to all of these men expressing themselves. Of course we women aren't shocked. I bet most of us assumed that most of these dudes behave this way. What a sad world we have been living in. I really do hope that exposing this ugliness to the light of day brings about change, but really I'll be shocked if I see that happen.

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  43. I'm in a position to help young men figure this shit out, and young women speak up, but I really don't know how to do that better. I am so tired of both the young men and young women denying this is an issue. They have been socialized to believe that this isn't an issue. I feel really inadequate at helping kids see the reality and not what our sexist society has snookered us to believe. Even me.

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    1. Such a good point! It takes a lot of women many years to admit that any of this could possibly be real. Not OUR guy friends. Not OUR cool bosses, teachers, and dads. More importantly: not US! We are not lame victims. We are empowered! Empowered and in total denial.

      Some of this changes with age; some of it is generational. In other words, a Millennial may feel more pressure to assume she is in no way discriminated against than a Baby Boomer aged woman... then again, both the Millennial and the GenX'er might say that same thing, up until they're 25 or 30.

      I was probably 22 years old before I figured out that, uhhh, yeah, the culture I worshipped was all about guys, and that I would never be one of them. Getting raped, and escaping many near-rapes, certainly helped me sort it out.

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  44. I hear you.
    I think I understand.
    At this juncture my stories aren't needed
    but I felt one simple acknowledgement
    from one more guy
    might help
    a little bit.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Chris. Next thing to get started on is talking to the men you know and letting them know how you feel.

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  45. You have no sense of reality and need to stop! You don't get both and you are creating your own monster that you don't understand!
    It's easy to think you understand how a male thinks and if we all just understand and feel how a female thinks and wants then everything will be great. It will never ever ever ever be a reality. Sooo instead of ranting about what needs to change and needs to happen over the past thousand years today why not make suggestions for betterment that could realistically happen!

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    1. Drew. You are mansplaining my own writing to me. You are changing the subject to something you are more comfortable discussing. You are being Chad. Don't be Chad.

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    2. Which "reality" is Drew burying his head in the sand at? Total bullshit to tell Katie to stop. Drew, trying to shut Katie down is making you part of the bloody problem. If you have a positive notion of change to put forward to help stop abuse, post that, not the meaningless rant you offered.

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    3. Omg, look! A man has arrived to give his manly opinion! You're wrong. We need to be angry. If people refuse to listen, we need to be louder. And we need more men to listen.

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  46. Thank you. That was a tough read, but it seriously had to be read. Some of it did go over my head as I don't follow the Hollywood 'Who's Who' at all, but the overall message was abundantly clear. Sadly not surprised at the events in the slightest, but I am utterly appalled that is still the case in 2017, and worse yet, that behavior of this type is seemingly 'normalized' in some media and obviously in politics.

    I've not always been the best I can be, but make every effort to maintain mindfulness of how others may interpret anything I say or do. Having grown up watching my mother abused by my father, living for some time on the run to avoid his violence, my eyes were opened early to the imbalance of power and utter lack of justice for women, and it ingrained a lack of trust for men that still holds firmly at the age of 42. Even having been victim to an ex who didn't understand consent, and who took every advantage of my refusal to fight back when she turned to violence when frustrated has not dulled the clear sight that women are at a far higher risk of harm.

    There's a 13yr old living here who's quite sensitive to coarse language but I do dearly wish for her to read this and to be 100% certain she's confident to never waiver on where her own chosen boundaries are, and to have the will, the understanding, and the fight in her to ensure she's never counted among the disproportionate numbers of victims.

    I recently assisted a long lost friend find her own way again after she'd been abused for years by her recent boyfriend. Assisting with moving, and job hunting, and getting set up was interspersed with trying to guide her out of feeling that she ought to return to the abuse, and to stop believing his "nobody but me would have you" mindset he'd made her adopt. It's taken weeks of regular long talks, help with what-ever I can, and getting her to start to believe she's not needing anyone else to be in control any longer. She's rising above it now, and called this morning to get advice on how to help her other friend who's now going through exactly what she went through just a couple months ago. The depravity of some guys' abuse methods honestly has surprised me, but only the once.

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  47. I am one of Harvey Fat Fucking Fuck Weinstein's victims and I say YAS QUEEN. Thank you. I have writers envy. Nice fucking work, lady. <3

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    1. ZOBEE, YOU ARE A FUCKING HUMAN TORCH, BURN BRIGHT AND SCARE ALL THOSE MONSTERS AWAY! Your life is resistance to bullshit. Keep living.

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    2. On it. Stay tuned. Standing up to bullies is my new full-time job. Taking down the fixers that sex trafficked us all is my hobby. Hoping to convince many more to come forward. Doing as much press as I can to encourage others to come fwd. <3

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    3. Rock on and let me know how I can support you.

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  48. Thank you for this. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I feel like it has helped me immensely as manmaleperson to make sense of so much about this. SO, thank you and continue on in your fine work. Respek.

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    1. Some of the problem is the groundwork that has been put in already, where women are far from equal. Maybe we need to be angrier, because placating isn't working. There are parallels. My favourite author said that all evil comes from treating people as things. The article enraged you? Good. Now put the rage somewhere it'll do good, instead of telling a woman her opinion is a hit wet dog turd.

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  50. I hope this gives more people more courage, maybe it could even be called out at the time instead of after a huge story like this. But here's the kicker, it's mainly women, that I'd agree, but pick up a paper, read the news, it's not just women, it's the way we treat each other. I like people, not "These" people or "Those" people be they of this that or the other type, just people.

    Rhids

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    1. Oh, you. You hush. You make yourself look so silly. Because it IS all women, within the context of what we are talking about here. Vis a vis the subject of men exploiting and enshrining themselves within systems that protect and empower them when they prey on women, much to the detriment of the women they hurt... yeah. It's ALL women. If you want to have a heady convo about the evil inflicted by mankind in the abstract, you should go find an article about that to comment on. But In case you missed it, the rest of us are here to engage in a topical discussion that is EXPLICITLY ABOUT WOMEN. If you'd like to join us -- actually, you know, don't. Don't join us.

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  51. Now, let's see how all of the white folks here apply this same rage and understanding to matters of race. In Hollywood and beyond. Just imagine the plight of women of color.

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    1. YES CHANIN! You are so spot-on. That's the next big post to write. If it's transparent to women that men need to stop talking, listen, and believe us, then it should be transparent to white women why we need to stop talking, listen, and believe women of color. We should be able to return the humility that we are demanding of others.

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  52. So good. And Chanin Kelly-Rae - YES! CAN WE PLEASE? I feel the rage KatyKatiKate feels BUT I also felt a growing rage over the fact that we don't seem to get these good explosions and support and hands in the air over matters of race. In Hollywood and, um, pretty much everywhere. So yes, please, can we extend the rage to other areas of continued violent abuse and oppression?

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  53. The problem does not lie solely in the perpetrator. It lies in the human psyche. I am currently dealing with the aftermath of dealing with this issue and an even worse issue simultaneously.

    The problem is there is a cognitive dissonance that occurs with people who have know the perpetrator and the more they knew the perpetrator or the more intimate their ties to the perpetrator, the greater the cognitive dissonance that lies between the truth and what people want to believe is true.

    Most people feel that they are a good judge of character (whether they are or not, does not matter, most people believe that they are). When someone challenges their preception of a person they held close to them at one time or even if they only had one postive brief encounter with the person, they want to believe that the perception they formed on this person was correct.

    If someone else comes along and challenges this perception with something as serious as sexual assault, rape, abuse, or sexual predatory behavior, the person starts to question how this behavior slipped passed their radar (as ridcuous as that sounds due to the fact that they had no way of knowing all the facts about the perpetrator at that time). This is exactly why people may feel "shocked" about hearing that someone they knew could do such horrible acts.

    You can believe me or not but now that I am living the hell of trying to show people the facts for them (including some of my own family members) to try to convince me or question if I something so terrible could have really happened, the worst part for the victims of the abuse is to convince people that it really did happen that way, whether they want to believe it or not. It puts the victim in a very lonely place because they have to convince people that, yes, this person is really shitty and I won't be the first or last to be a victim of their abuse.

    It is unfortanate but part how human brains perceive input that does not match with what they have already categorized in their mind as what this person (the perpetrator) and even you as the victim are in their mind.

    On the reverse side, people do not want to perceive the person that they know as you to be victimized because they could never imagine that you would be a target of such abuse (even though that is irrational thinking because with sociopaths, ANYONE can be a victim, even if they refuse their advances, they still have been victimized).

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    1. Spot-on. Absolutely spot-on.

      I have done this, too. A colleague was accused of child molestation and my first reaction wasn't, "Oh my God, the poor child," it was, "But—but he's such a talented artist!" and "Well, let's wait and see what the jury says."

      It took a couple days and clear evidence from trusted sources before I could clear through that fog of cognitive dissonance. Later, more victims came forward. But my first reaction was denial.

      What should we DO about this tendency in ourselves? It is not right or fair to assume every accusation about anybody is true; then again...

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  54. Love this so much. Inspired me to get to the heart of my issues with it. Thank you!

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  55. You know what? If you are on my page mansplaining and notallmening, I'm going to delete your comment. I do not owe you anything. I do not owe you space. I do not owe you time. I do not owe you a venue to be heard. This is my house. Be nice or I will put you out.

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  56. Spot f**king on. All of it. One highlight: "Here's the problem. When you call him a monster, you are creating distance between you and Harvey Weinstein." Slay, queen. Fun fact: When a woman "speaks up" about being victimized, she's being re-victimized. Every. Single. Time. While taking action against a predator is very courageous in the eyes of most people, victims feel about as far away from hero-status as one can be. We hear so many folks preach about how important it is for women to be "strong," and that we're to raise our girls to be "fierce." Oh, the irony. Unfortunately, I'm speaking from experience. Thank you for preaching some serious truth, ugly as it is.

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    1. Klok Werk, you need to reread my post and understand it before you try to explain it to me incorrectly. You are giving me a choice between "being nice" and maintaining the status quo, which is fine with you but clearly not fucking fine with me, or "being too mean" and alienating all the "nice men" who have been shitting on women their whole lives and then wondering why women don't trust them. You don't give trophies to the team that tried the hardest at the Superbowl. Stop expecting me to nurture you on your journey to fucking empathy. YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD. THAT'S NOT MY FAULT.

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  58. It is because of people like HW that I left Hollywood years ago. I told my agent, “ if I wouldn’t suck a dick to get a job at Walmart, then why would I do it get a job in Hollywood”? His reply was, “ you’re too smart and have too strong of morales to work in this business kid”. I responded, “ Really? Well then Fuck Hollywood. There is a whole big world out there and I will just take my talents elsewhere then, thank you”.

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  60. You made me question myself. Thanks.

    -Greg

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  61. Your "Did I stutter?" quip is not appreciated by me, a woman who stutters.

    It's very difficult for me to defend myself verbally (in cases like you write about) because of my severe stutter. Don't make it worse for people who stutter by using a dated "joke" that isn't funny, and doesn't even make sense, really.

    Did I stutter? Yes.

    -Alli Arnold

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    1. I apologize, Alli. The joke was insensitive and I was oblivious. Thank you for telling me. I'll remove it.

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  64. Jeffrey is a powerful man in Hollywood - so Jeff, how about hiring more (or ANY) women to top positions so it's not a boy's club anymore where they have all the power?

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  65. I can't even thank you enough. As a survivor of perpetual sexual, physical, psychological and verbal abuse, your words empower me. Your rage emboldens me. Your empathy validates me. More than you'll ever know. Your justifiable outrage has lit a fire in my soul. And EVERY time some asshole begins to step on my spirit again, I will remember your powerful words & be more assertive. Regardless of the consequences. I will maintain the rage. And I WILL prevail. Thankyou for empowering the strength that others have tried so hard to beat out of me. Just...THANKYOU. Truly.XXX

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  66. I can't even thank you enough. As a survivor of perpetual sexual, physical, psychological and verbal abuse, your words empower me. Your rage emboldens me. Your empathy validates me. More than you'll ever know. Your justifiable outrage has lit a fire in my soul. And EVERY time some asshole begins to step on my spirit again, I will remember your powerful words & be more assertive. Regardless of the consequences. I will maintain the rage. And I WILL prevail. Thankyou for empowering the strength that others have tried so hard to beat out of me. Just...THANKYOU. Truly.XXX

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  67. YAAAAS QUEEN. - New Patreon supporter

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  68. This whole "why is everyone so shocked/ You must clearly not have been paying attention" reminds me of the response of every Black person I know after Trump won and I and my fellow white liberals were wailing and gnashing our teeth.

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    1. Caitlin, you are 100% on that. If anyone hasn't seen the amazing SNL sketch with Dave Chappelle, Vanessa Bayer, Aidy Bryant, Beck Bennett, & Cecily Strong about election night, I highly recommend it:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHG0ezLiVGc

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  69. I haven't been SHOCKED since Monica's Famous Blue Dress.

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  70. 40 years wandering in the wilderness will clear the tribe of the old ways....generations will pass (ok, with current life spans let's call it 100)

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  71. 1) In awe of your command of the English langauge - what a brilliant piece
    2) Sent you my regards via PayPal
    3) Will read more of your work and share

    kb

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  72. On a different note, that is the same: This article is the best article I have seen on the topic of sexual harassment and abuse. It clearly conveys how prevalent it is in our society. I am a mom with 3 young girls. My oldest daughter is asked (and sometimes begged) to "send nudes" every week of her life by multiple boys. She always answers "no" but the requests keep coming, sometimes 5 or 6 times before a boy finally gives up. I try not to judge these boys, I have known some of them since they were in diapers (they are overall good kids), and I know and like their families. “It is what kids do today” (eye roll). I get it.

    We all know it is not okay to sexually harass young people (boys or girls) and the news recently and thankfully has brought to light just how degrading it is. I keep hearing how people want to take action, they feel so bad, etc.

    For a mom with 3 girls, I ask that people out there to remind your young boys that asking and begging for nudes from a 14 or 15 year old girl is just not acceptable, especially when the answer is NO over and over again. (These requests actually started when my daughter was 12 – from junior and senior boys, yes, this is true.) Remind them, it is also harassment. Just because it comes from a “friend”, which sometimes it does, doesn’t make it anything else. As this article states, my daughter makes a friend who is a boy and literally "knows" the request will come eventually, no matter how "nice" and "respectable" the boy is...it is a almost a given and it happens almost every, single time. And it has absolutely shaped my daughter’s view of men and boys. She expects nothing more from them (heartbreaking).

    I have no expectations that anything will change across the board. And I will continue to remind my daughter that things change when you get older and most boys (then men) will realize that there is more to life than a nude photo, etc. But maybe if more people out there (I know many do try to do this) simply remind their boys that it not okay to ask for nude photos, to stress that “this is what kids do today” is not an excuse, and to explain to their boys how a young girl may feel when asked multiple times for pictures, one kid will think twice about reaching out with the request to some young girl out there. Maybe a few will understand it IS a form of harassment. You can’t say you are appalled by pig Havey’s actions without at least reminding your teenage boys to be responsible with how they treat their female peers right in your own area.

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  74. Hi. I just wanted to let you know I used this amazing piece as a promotion of how my feelings needed to be portrayed... but in my dizzy of anger I could not.
    This changed me and I mean this with true sincerity. After fighting with a "Proud Boys" member ; I assume you have heard of this group; I was in complete fatigue. Some how I came across this article... Actually, honestly, after the fight online with this scumbag from "proud boys" i went after my husband with a "Why do you guys do ....... " which ensued some horrendous ridiculous fucking fight that was caused by my pure pain and anguish.
    Then I found your article and I posted it on ... so many friends' feeds and I posted it as a thank you for saying what I was trying to get at.
    The next day came and went on in the evening hours and I finally calmed down -ish-. I asked my husband to read your writing. He is an instant reader... make it quick and to the point and do not use memes as a way to show your emotion kind of reader.... (the worst I know) but I told him that this was important to me. I told him... this .. was beyond important for him to read. I wanted to watch him read this.. hell I reread it with him. I watched him read it I saw his face, I saw his disgust, I heard a few chuckles. He really enjoyed the sheriff and the dude. Shit. Im getting all teary eyed. anyways.
    He read your article .... all the fucking way... and we talked. WE talked. We talked about what he doesn't know what I have gone through because I choose to not tell him. We talked about my friends who were inspired to tell their stories... and I read those stories with the pain they deserved to him. We talked about our two boys ages 10 and 8 that we have to make sure do not let them become complacent.
    I talked to him about seeing some of those disgusting texts between him and his dude friends out of funnies... but like.. thats a person yo. I told him I can hang with the best of 'locker room' talk and that made me complicit with trump. (i did not fucking vote for that gd maniac okay? ) by accepting it from my male friends and colleagues I had too... made them feel that it was okay.
    How if it wasn't okay? How if one dude who thought those jokes were okay and eventually acted on it? How if I was ever used as 'this girl i hung out with acted like this was okay' .. how if...
    it haunts me.
    Anyways. I am blathering on in my own emotion right now but I wanted to let you know that YOU. YOU OPENED A DOOR that already is starting to change the way my husband I speak to each other. An understanding that I don't think was there before... he understands me a little more. Thank you.

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    1. Smiles, I cannot tell you how happy I am to know that you and your husband are having more open and understanding conversations about your experience of the world. If my piece is a part of it, then I'm humbled and grateful. But GOOD FOR YOU for having the guts to bring it up!!!

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  75. I agree with many of the points that this author makes. We shouldn’t be “shocked” - and there is certainly a lot of virtue signaling occurring when things like this happen.
    We should do everything we can to encourage women to feel safe to talk about their problems.
    I also appreciate the call to be better than what we have been.

    I fear, however, that insulting people just pushes them away.
    We all have flaws and imperfections, but there is a question regarding the matter of degree in potential horror we are all capable of manifesting.
    It is insulting (and sexist) to state or insinuate that “every man” has a rapist lurking inside of him, and you just have to wait, and eventually you *will* see it.

    As a comparison, I know how insulted would my wife would be if I said “I know you haven’t murdered our children yet... but I am JUST WAITING.. I know its in you and its just going to come out some day, and I can never trust you...” (just because of the much higher rate at which women commit this particular crime)

    It is right to be disgusted by what we know and feel to be morally unacceptable.

    She uses a false equivalency when she complains about various other actions she finds distasteful. The following are not equivalent to rape, nor does a person who “commits” these “harms” contain the capacity for such vile actions based on such a thing:
    Talking over a woman
    Been annoyed with a woman who was causing problems...
    Interrupted a woman..
    Angry when she was “direct”
    Called an ex crazy.

    It is entirely possible to do any of these things, and not be sexist. We have likely all done these to both men and women alike. In fact, we may have been perfectly justified in our actions in each case.
    One sex doesn’t get entitlement to be free of the other *ever* daring to take such actions, based solely on the “virtue” of the biology in which each was born.
    Some of these actions can be rude - but is not the sexist problem this writer is making it out to be.

    And it seems counterintuitive to condemn people for trying to stand in solidarity against moral atrocity. If you want to push someone away, punish/chastise them for doing the right thing.

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    1. Hi Gerald. You are being Chad. You are mansplaining, notallmen-ing, and derailing.

      PS, if every child on earth could post the words "me too" from beyond the fucking grave after having been murdered by their mothers, repeatedly, throughout their entire lives, then you would be totally fucking justified in worrying about that problem. But since that's not the fucking case, please go back and re-read the piece.

      You should also read "Interrupt Me One More Time." http://www.katykatikate.com/2017/10/interrupt-me-one-more-time.html

      Don't comment here again unless it's to do work. I will not debate with you on your opinions of how it feels to be a sexually harassed woman. You are way out of your lane.

      Delete
    2. OK, my dude, I'm gonna take a swing at the lovely wall of self-justification you have here.

      First salvo: have you been watching 'me too' scroll through your Facebook feed? Maybe look up what it means, and mentally multiply what you are seeing by 10, because I guarantee that many women in your life are not going to share that tidbit with you, because they don't want you to mansplain how they weren't REALLY harassed or assaulted.


      Second salvo: Bro of broville, what you are doing here is called 'tone policing'. You are telling a woman that you are not hearing her message because her tone offends you.

      But.

      What your comments actually show is that you are offended by her message. It makes you uncomfortable. You are utterly dedicated to refusing to see that any act of disrespect for a human who is an innie rather than an outie is, in fact, part and parcel of this shitshow that does not start with or end with (but is grotesquely decorated by) the actions of HW.

      Yes, that includes talking over/interrupting/mansplaining to a woman. Yes, that includes being annoyed because a woman stood up for herself in the workplace, instead of coming at it from a default of believing her and wanting to make your workplace less toxic. Yes, that includes being angry with a woman for speaking her opinion as men are expected to do - directly. Yes, that includes calling a woman 'crazy' to justify your treatment of her.

      When you dismiss these things as 'not a sexist problem' that is YOU NOT NOTICING YOUR OWN CONTEMPT FOR WOMEN IN YOUR LIFE. These actions are damaging. They are not AS damaging as a brutal rape, taken one at a time. But when they come down on you every day like a emotional hailstorm, they do damage, and pretending that one million little chunks of ice are not equivalent to one iceburg is just...the attitude of someone born in a nice snug house far from the path of iceburgs.

      Third salvo: From a purely statistical perspective, if my life brings me in contact with 10 men in a day, my chances of meeting a male rapist during the course of that day is 46%. If it puts me in contact with 10 women, my chances of meeting a woman who has murdered her children is far, far less than 1%. Speaking of false equivalencies.

      Any cracks yet?

      Here's hopin'...

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    3. "It is not the sexist problem this writer is making it out to be."

      No, but it is, though. Not one male boss or superior. Not one male INTERN of mine, classmate, contributor to the website I run. Not one dear guy friend. Not one man my father's age I've known since childhood. Not one dude from the tech start-up incubator I'm a member of. Not a one of the men I do business with as the executive director of my company who kiss my forehead at the start of business meetings like I'm his fucking niece, call me pet names, dangle the prospect of a more prestigious job at the nonprofit he runs as a pretext to have a beer or two as he works up the courage to ask me to let him fuck me before his wife moves to town with their small children soon. Not the guy friend I recently commiserated with over our mutual suffering with PTSD, whose shoulder I wept into until suddenly he was trying to stick his tongue down my throat. Not the intermittent guy friend who insists I consider letting him give me oral sex as some kind of bullshit healing exercise? Not the regular late night friends asking if I want a dick pic on Messenger. Not the fucking STRANGER at the farmers market last weekend who I've ignored several messages from on OK Cupid who decided a clutch next move would be to call me out my name in public & try to reach up to remove my glasses from my face. Not the years' worth of male customers when I was a waitress who seized my arm under the pretext of checking out my tattoos & then caressed my forearms where they're inked. Not the jilted former boss who stalked me and cased my house by night. Not the editor at my first big internship who doggedly started trying to sleep with me by the end of the first week, nor the supervisor at the summer one with the motorsports TV company who cornered me in a trailer and tickled me. Not the United Way CEO's BIZARRE decision to relay to me that he'd just been meeting with my banker at his office and, boy, did they have a nice time talking about how I'd looked in my skirt today! Not the longtime boyfriend who took someone else's viagara for fun one night and repeatedly woke me up because his fingers were inside me until I went to lock myself in the spare room of his house because I didn't trust him not to rape me. Not the parade of Tinder dates who've been perfectly lovely until they end the night by cornering me. Not the uncountable infinity of dudes who can't just hear "No, thank you" and leave it be. Not the chef I worked for who caught the dishwasher in the act of taking up-skirt shots of his female employees and DIDN'T FIRE HIM until he was caught in the act AGAIN a few weeks later, of course without notifying the staff. Not the male manager who answered a written sexual harassment complaint with dead silence and later asked me why it is I think "stuff like this keeps happening" to me. Not a one of 'em has ever surprised me by not letting his creep flag fly before too very long. You don't get to say a PEEP about what kind of issue this is, and I'll go ahead and say the thing you clearly don't want to be made to think -- you've been that guy, too. You've pestered a woman for sex when she said she wanted to be left alone, or that she only wanted to go so far, but you wanted to go farther. Or you've texted someone "Send nudes." Or you've said some whiny nonsense about blue balls. Or god knows what. But you've done it. You might as well take inventory, reckon with whatever you've got to reckon with and contemplate how it might have felt to be the woman in the situation and why and how you'd do well to insure you don't do it again.

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  76. I clicked on this thinking maybe, just maybe, that piece of total human fucking garbage HAD a stroke. Still, I was not disappointed. Excellent read. Thank you for the clarity. We can all improve to promote change and support what's right.

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  77. Katie,

    Thanks for this! Reading it was cathartic. I was wondering if you had read the Rosenberg statement & about your thoughts on this.
    http://deadline.com/2017/10/scott-rosenberg-harvey-weinstein-miramax-beautiful-girls-guilt-over-sexual-assault-allegations-1202189525/

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    1. Cmarrufo05, yeah I read it. I thought about writing a follow-up post on it, and still might. It's garbage. It's a garbage fake apology. His apology is about absolving his own guilt for things he did in the past - and are therefor "regrettable" but unchangeable, so shoot, dang, if they happened again HE WOULD DEFINITELY DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. He's like a guy hiding in the basement while the battle's raging, and once his side has lost he turns his shirt inside out, runs onto the field, and says "Did I miss the battle? Shit. Next one. Next one."

      He wrote this now that the stakes are literally ZERO for him, yet he had a microphone and an audience and enough social power to command an audience for DECADES, and said nothing. Now that the women have come forward, now that Harvey fucking Weinstein is no longer his patron saint, he turns on him no problem. But he risked nothing. He sacrificed nothing. He has DONE nothing for the women whose careers were hampered or ended, nothing for the women who were hurt or terrorized. This is about HIM getting ahead of the story, HIM looking like a good guy, HIM being the first one in the room to start pointing fingers so he gets the deal, just like the first guy to squeal on Law & Order.

      We're not stupid and we're not buying it. Put your money where your mouth is, don't ask for my forgiveness because you won't give it, don't tell me about how hard this whole experience has been for you. You could start hiring more women and treating them with respect.

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    2. OK, once I started writing about it I couldn't stop... THANK YOU for asking, and look what we did together: http://www.katykatikate.com/2017/10/out-of-body-verbal-thrashing-scott.html

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  78. So lets list the people that use women badly. Julian Ausange clearly hates women and Hillary Clinton in particular. And Harvey Weinstein. And the lump of trump. And Putin. Paul Ryan and any congressman or senator who would pass legislation regarding women's health without consulting ...women. Men who encourage women to sell their music by getting more and more naked...like it is a competition...in public. Not any favour in that one. These people have to be outed and dealt with. Recognised for the creeps they are. Woman make up 50 percent of the population. Probably a higher percentage of the purchasing dollar. If there is a way, make those creeps pay. Politics-work against their campaigns. Selling something -dont buy it. Call out their BS. Something has to change. I once worked in an office where one of the workers was grabbing women's breasts. I suggested that one of the women- a physically strong woman- punch him when he did that. She hauled off and hit him and he never grabbed again. And I don't think he lost his hearing... The point being-we have to stop making it easy for people to get away with this crap.

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  79. This is perfect and you are incredible! Thank you! (Also you're hilarious.)

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