the rules of baseball as they apply to our current clusterfuck

Quick question!

Why is it that people feel like they're entitled to slide straight from called-out abuser to forgiven bestie, without doing any fucking work?

Everyone's in such a rush to forgive people. UGH. I'm so cranky about this.

Slow down.

There are no shortcuts.

Bear with me while I attempt a sportsball metaphor.

thanks for your support from the
the bullpen
or wherever
anyway thanks guys

There's a runner on first.
I feel like I'm watching the crowd try to wave him
from first base directly to third, 
because the weather sucks out here 
and that feels like the shortest route to home.

But the run doesn't count if you skip second base. 

yeah awesome great
glad you're psyched
sure wish that counted
(that's how it works, right?
you get a re-do?)

When you're sorry, you get on first base.

At second base, you absorb the impact of what you did, listen to people, feel genuinely bad for what you did, and look for ways to do better.

At third base, the people you hurt see that you're doing the work and may be inclined to accept your apology.

And then you get to be on the scoreboard.

"I'm sorry" isn't a home run. It's a base hit. It doesn't buy your passage all the way to forgiveness. It just keeps you from getting kicked off the field immediately and forever.

If you're not ready to accept an apology, don't. That goes for celebrities who will never know that you're mad at them, and for people you love and see every day.

If you're not ready to accept an apology, that might be because the person apologizing hasn't stopped at second base yet. They haven't done the work to show you that they're willing to put their fucking feet on the ground to do better.

Don't let anyone bully you into thinking that you have to offer your forgiveness at someone else's command. For a much more thorough investigation of the importance of voluntary grace and forgiveness, read this one, in which I wrote:

People aren't computers. We don't reboot with instant updates that wipe our bugs clean.

You fucked up. You're in time out now. You have work to do.

You're not OUT. You're not DEAD TO ME. You need to go to second base.

Wait there and think about what you're going to need to do to get to third. Wait and be grateful that you didn't get a cleat to the throat out at first.

That is all.

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PS, oh my God when I was looking at baseball gifs I found this one:

that is so fucking mean
i hope you hit your own dumb face with that ball
taunting kids
whose paid money to come see you play
your sportsball match

not cool
not cool

say you're sorry
and go to first base
where i shall await you
with my cleat raised in the air

Also this one was gold:

i could watch this for an hour
that's not quite accurate
i have watched this
for an hour

1 comment:

  1. ❤️🔥 Your blog (and your book) have galvanized something in me...I appreciate that more than you can say.