good night sweet prince

12:00 pm - I realize that it can't wait any longer. It is now officially a poop emergency. Apoopalypse NOW.

12:01 pm - I lure Buster into the bathroom because he can't be trusted with run of the house. He is a climber. 

12:02 pm - Buster starts opening and closing drawers in the bathroom until he finds his new Elmo toothbrush. Still in the box. We bought it yesterday. He brings it to me and politely asks if I would please open it grunt-shrieks like a boy raised by wolves while slapping my knee with the box until I open it. I hand him the toothbrush.

12:03 pm - I lean over to get some toilet paper, leaving a couple of inches of access to the toilet bowl for only a "one-Mississippi," MAX.

12:04 pm - I add "Buster toothbrush" to the shopping list.

it was a bad way to go, elmo no doubt about it but please know in your heart of hearts that your impact on my children is not reflected by how you met your end no indeed you have served honorably and well for approximately fifteen seconds before my son threw you in a potty that had not been flushed yet just because you're shitty now doesn't mean you are shitty or ever were except sometimes on the eighteenth consecutive listen of elmo's song or the first time you as an adult realize that elmo only ever refers to himself in the third person "come on, elmo, you're not the rock mm kay?" but none of those crimes was deserving of the punishment and for that i extend my sincerest apologies on behalf of buster who threw you without any hesitation whatsoever to your demise.