a letter to my valentine

Dear Valentine,

I’m not going to lie

and say it’s easy

to love you.

You are a real

prickly pain in the ass

sometimes.

You’re stubborn

and snappish.

You’re always sneaking treats.

You run away

and build a wall

of busyness and noise

when you should stay

and talk about your hurt feelings.

What’s wrong with you?

You run so hot, all day, all night.

It feels like you don’t ever slow down

just to be with me. I miss you.

You always tell me

when I’ve done something

wrong, when I’ve forgotten.

You tell me all the time:

The house isn’t very clean.

I’m out of socks again.

What do you do all day long?

And I’ll tell you something else,

you could really be nicer to me.

Despite everything, I do love you.

So you don’t have to

call me names

like stupid

mean

worst

person ever.

You don’t have to

make those sounds when I’m getting dressed for a movie –

blech

ugh

yuck

no.

That really hurts my feelings.

It makes me feel alone, worthless,

so unlovable.

You could really give me more time

to eat

breakfast.

You could let me finish writing this letter

before calling me, urgently,

to some other need you have –

What! A snack?

What! You’re sad?

Ugh, I was writing. Please let me write.

Hey, you could listen to me more

when I say I’m hungry.

I’m sad. I'm telling you because it matters.

I need you to listen to me

when I’m rattling hangers

and sighing heavy sighs and it’s an hour until the movie starts.

Listen to what I’m not saying

as I stand in a bra and unzipped jeans,

thinking about how I used to be,

and respond to that:

It doesn’t matter what you wear.

Your worth isn’t in your appearance.

You are wonderful, just like this.

Listen to me when I say

that a treat, in the quiet room alone,

would really make my day.

Take your time, love.

Listen to me:

I like to be busy.

I’m proud of the work I do.

I’m proud of you, too.

LISTEN!

If I did nothing else all day and night

I could keep the house clean and the sock drawers full.

But I do a lot more than that,

so I don't keep the house clean, but we don't mice,

and the sock drawers aren't full,

but when have ever not had socks?

You're right. Thank you.

Listen,

I need space and time

before I can talk

about my hurt feelings.

There's nothing wrong with that. I'll be here.

You could be nicer to me.

You could listen.

You prickly pain in the ass.

I know.

I’m sorry.

I’ll try.

Loving you, Katie?

It isn’t easy.

I’m not going to lie.

After all,
I love you.
And you
are pretty fucking good too.

it's the valentine's day equivalent of looking into a broken mirror #selfieinaballoon #whoami