truth bomb: what a real nursery looks like

Before you have the baby it's like

He's going to sleep in the corner in our room

But it's going to be fine

Actually it's going to be amazing

So cute

I was on Pinterest

and I found all these small-space pics for nursery inspiration

and my small-space nursery is going to be cool and small 

and CURATED like an amazing village boutique, like this:

Except it'll be in our room so it'll be more like THIS:

 Oh my god that giant giraffe is amazeballs.

I have to find a bunting on Etsy.

And then you make your little corner

It's not as cute as the Pinterest ones

because

you know

Pinterest

But you're happy with it

It's neat and has bins

And a small crib that locks in between the bureau and the wall

Just so

Just right

Snug as a bug

Besides, it's temporary

The baby is going to move into Chicken's room so soon

So fast

He'll probably only sleep here for a few months

So he really doesn't need his own bunting

And then the baby arrives

And the shitstorm makes landfall

Right in your sweet little corner

YEAH. 

That's Buster's hobo corner

Draped in fabric like we're the Swiss Family Goddamned Robinson

Seeking shelter under a torn topsail

Nope

Just assholes who bought ineffective blackout shades

That have to be supplemented with bedsheets and swaddle blankets

That we threw up at, oh, about 20 seconds after sunrise

When the baby woke up

Ready to rock and roll

Nice one, Katie

That window treatment totally looks

Curated

Also, we never hang our clothes in the closet

Until about 45 seconds before guests arrive

If then

Sometimes we just close the door

Usually we just close the door

Because the diaper pail is usually pretty full

Really full

There's usually one dirty diaper sitting on the table

Three dirty diapers

 And the room definitely smells like

Milk

That has been pooped out of a baby

So

Poop

The room

Smells

Like poop.

truth bomb