pop quiz hot shot

POP QUIZ HOT SHOT

your 20-month-old climbs out of his crib three times in three days WHAT DO YOU DO well after you order a toddler bed from amazon that can be delivered same-day after that WHAT DO YOU DO

1. What's more fun than putting together a toddler bed?

A: Putting together a toddler bed that was made in China.

and delivered in a pizza box great this should be pretty straightforward wait is this just a box of screws and wood pulp again goddamnit amazon

2. What's more fun than putting together a toddler bed that was made in China?

A: Putting together a toddler bed that was made in China with the only Phillips-head screwdriver that you can find in the house, which may have originally been intended for sunglasses.

texted this pic to ryan at work to make sure he understood the gravity of the situation and that i would not be doing the dishes tonight or tomorrow

3. What's more fun than putting together a toddler bed that was made in China with the only Phillips-head screwdriver that you can find in the house, which may have originally been intended for sunglasses?

A: Putting together a toddler bed that was made in China with the only Phillips-head screwdriver that you can find in the house, which may have originally been intended for sunglasses, while fishing screws out of a 20-month-old's mouth.

but mom i thought it was a tasting menu hmmm the black ones are brackish

4. What's more fun than putting together a toddler bed that was made in China with the only Phillips-head screwdriver that you can find in the house, which may have originally been intended for sunglasses, while fishing screws out of a 20-month-old's mouth?

A: Putting together a toddler bed that was made in China with the only Phillips-head screwdriver that you can find in the house, which may have originally been intended for sunglasses, while fishing screws out of a 20-month-old's mouth and listening to a 3-year-old ask, "Why is this wood? Why, Mommy? Mommy? Why? Why is it wood? Mommy, why is it wood? Mommy? Why? Why? Why? Why?"

5. What's more fun than putting together a toddler bed that was made in China with the only Phillips-head screwdriver that you can find in the house, which may have originally been intended for sunglasses, while fishing screws out of a 20-month-old's mouth and listening to a 3-year-old ask, "Why is this wood? Why, Mommy? Mommy? Why? Why is it wood? Mommy, why is it wood? Mommy? Why? Why? Why? Why?"

A: Anything. Anything you can imagine. Seppuku. Tunnel duty in 'Nam. Queefing in yoga class. ANYTHING.

yeah i am and yes i would love a glass of electric cabernet thank you

oh man you guys were so so helpful you deserve to watch a tv show now a long one a movie no TWO MOVIES in the other room while i just finish up the last little bit no no i've got it from here thanks though (this, by the way, is another thing that my children don't know i do for them: create jobs like "checking the space between the slats" and "counting the screws" so they feel like they have contributed.)

Extra Credit: What's the punch line?

a: he sleeps in chicken's bed